As I sit here in the midst of trying to focus on my grad-school work, I find my mind wandering to all of the things that I will be able to DO once I have surgery and am well on my way to recovery – after the first four phases of post-op.
So I have decided I wanted to post the top 10 reasons why I am having the surgery to begin with. Of course weight loss, but what does that really mean to me for the long term? There are so many reasons I’ve made this decision, but here are my Top 10:
10. Being able to tie my shoes without having to hold my breath and come up for air a few times before I’m finished.
9. Being able to run without killing my knees and feet because I am pounding pavement at 240 lbs. Being able to progress with the whole jog/walk thing because I can actually run for 30-40 mins straight. It’s clear my weight is getting me nowhere with this endeavor.
8. Not being the last one in the box to finish my “modified” workouts at CrossFit. Being able to actually work on my pull-up or toes-to-bar because I can actually hand from the bar. I’m sorry but having the whole group cheering me on to finish every time is not my idea of feeling accomplished. It’s humiliating, especially considering I’ve been at it for a year and a half.
7. Being able to do more things in the bedroom. (yeah I went there). Weight gets in the way physically as much as it does mentally when it comes to sex… My husband isn’t complaining but hell, I am! I want to wear lingerie, be picked up… and well, I’ll leave the rest up to your own imagery, but I think you get the point.
6. I want to not actually avoid looking at myself naked in the mirror. I have floor-to-ceiling mirrors on both sides of my bathroom – do you know what an effort it is to actually avoid seeing yourself before you get into the shower with those things? Sometimes I don’t even turn the other lights on until I actually get to the shower light to avoid those damn mirrors.
5. I’d like to not have an anxiety attack about what I’m going to wear when I have to go out in public. Or when I go shopping and go into the fitting room and come out with nothing because everything I grabbed either didn’t fit me or made me look like a sumo wrestler in spandex. Half of my closet doesn’t fit me…I have a full closet of clothes and think I wear the same four outfits over and over.
4. I want to feel full when I eat. Seriously, this is a biggie. I can eat a full, healthy meal and still I want to graze because I am still hungry. Or think I’m still hungry. I’ve found that drinking water instead of grazing helps this, but not all the time. I want to feel full when I eat protein, veggies, and fruits and not want the crap foods because I’m still hungry.
3. People treat you differently when you’re overweight. Anyone who is overweight or has been can attest to this. It’s just the reality of human nature, I guess. I don’t want the first thing people see when they look at me (strangers) to be my weight. Especially people who see me with my husband. I think in my head they are thinking, “he’s with her?” Totally something that may be just in my head, but still. Sometimes you can just tell though.
2. I want my kids to be proud of me. Look, I think they are for sure for so many other things, but they know how much my weight bothers me. They’ve seen every diet, every attempt I’ve made to get healthier and slim down, and have witnessed the failures each and every time. My 10 year old said to me, when I started Weight Watchers, “I believe in you mom.” That was a huge testament to the inner thinking of all of my children when it comes to mommy’s weight and the struggle. Plus, I have two daughters. I don’t want my obsession with my obesity to trickle down to them and screw up their own self-image. Recently one of my daughters has been making comments about her weight (she’s 14, as tall as I am, and 115 – nowhere close to even a chubby spot on her body). It’s clear my struggle is having its effects on my kids. And oh hell no…
1.My number one reason is my overall health. I want to be healthy, be fit, and yeah-to be skinny. Obesity causes all kinds of havoc on the body, now and as we age. I want to make progress in the gym not struggle through workouts because of my weight. I want strong cardiovascular stamina. I don’t want to be one of those people who has to use a drive-cart when I go to the grocery store when I’m 50 because my feet or knees can’t handle the weight anymore. I don’t want to develop diabetes when I’m older, or have strains on my heart, or high blood pressure, or any of those things that obesity can contribute to as I age.
So there they are. Maybe you can relate to some of them, maybe not. I’d love to hear what my sleeve community would say some of your reasons are, too. It’s a big decision I’ve made and I would love to have some other perspectives as well…