My Ending Absence 

Holy cow I did not realize it’s been 56 days since my last post! Nor did I post an 8th month Surgaversary. Well, that one was a pointed decision, as I just couldn’t quite stomach it and wasn’t ready to expose myself over it No loss, no inches, lbs, or otherwise. Momentum halted on all counts.  

The dreaded stall of Spring remains firmly in tact as the Summer begins.  My weight hovers in .1s and .3s…all at the 170 lb display on the scale.  The days I lift my brows in amusement are the ones that linger at the 170.0 marker. No move, up or down. Bemusement has replaced the obsession with the scale, a locked up sense of terror, and a general apathy towards food. 

See, before surgery I fought and fought hard, to overcome the addiction of eating, even more intensely as my medicine demanded constant fulfillment. I would see no progress and fall of into a binge. Viscous circle of failure.  The patterns beckon me now as I see the stalemate move my scale plays every morning. I thank God that the scale is not moving up, but can’t help but to fight the battle of addiction and craving still.

I can’t tell my tale right now that would possibly enlighten others or even help them, I am obviously not winning the battles in my head and it shows in my lack of progress on the scale. What do I have to offer you, who seek guidance or connection to your journey  too?   

Therapy tells me I am going through “cycling”, high highs and low lows, and time and fighting through until I level out is all I can do. 

I will run tomorrow, my first run in over a month. Send me prayers I can get out of my rut so motivation can find me again. Looking at perceived failure every morning tends to chip away your motivation, so I have decided not to even look at the scale for awhile. Let’s hope this tactic works. 

In the meantime my fellow VSGers-keep rocking it and be super proud of your small and large successes. They matter to your mental health and keep you moving forward. 

I will not go 56 days again. It’s honesty I have and it’s what you’ll get. Even if I don’t want to share, I will. 

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Oh no-my hair!

I know this is a common side effect, but I never thought I would have a problem with this. I have SOOOO much hair, I mean it’s massive. I’ve been noticing a ton of hair coming out in the shower and my brush is full everytime I brush it out for over a month. Still…didn’t get panicked.  

I have spent 7 years growing out my hair. 7 freaking years. I have so much hair that growing it down as far as length takes for-ev-er and a decade. My husband mentioned tonight that my hair is starting to look droopy and is so much thinner than ever. And it might mean, as much as he loathes the thought, I might need to cut it. From his mouth– which means it is way more serious than I ever thought would be possible for me. 

I know I’m losing a lot of hair, but had no realization that I was losing that much!! This is horrible! I am now self-conscience about it. I’m freaking out and trying not to melt down, to be 100% honest. I’m about to OD on Biotin… (Kidding of course) but it’s now going to be an absolute staple in my life. 

I now have a massive complex! And I’m leaving for Vegas in one day, meeting all of my colleagues for the first time in person in four days.  

Besides biotin and daily vitamins, any other advice that might help?

Tick-tock

11 days. (Seems my life right now is broken up into days…)

11 days and that scale has been stuck. Every morning I get on and the same number glares up at me. Every flipping morning now for -did I mention?- 11.  Eff’n. Days. 

I’m getting very antsy now. I have been so busy/stressed last week and was not able to exercise, between work and school and the total purge of the basement (we rented one of those construction sized dumpsters and only have it a couple of weeks so time is of the essence- we have a roommate moving in next weekend!) That’s a story for another post though. 

I have been taking in my water and vitamins diligently – the vitamins just the last three days straight since my ‘uh oh’ moment a few days ago. 

So in an effort to not obsess over the lack of movement on that scale I am going to celebrate some NSV’s please:

  • Doing really well with this new budgeting software. Took a few free classes to get it down and I think I get it, so I’m off and running. 
  • We went to out first small group Bible Study of the year tonight and everyone was amazed at how much weight I’ve lost and told me I looked amazing and really didn’t need to lose anymore I looked fabulous. I was very close to admitting my surgery to them as they kept asking what I was doing. My knee-jerk response to that question has been “everything imaginable”. But this group is such a blessing and I’m almost certain no judgement would be made. I almost told them but the conversation kept moving and it just didn’t seem like the right time to say it. But they were very warm and genuinely happy for me.  I told them I had 40 more lbs to go and they were genuinely like ‘from where!?’
  • My ‘skinny’ boot it jeans that I’ve been wearing officially fall off my arse constantly.  I think they’re 14s.  
  • Got my hair done Friday and it looks amazing. Also I finally found the perfect lipstick color and wear that is really really flattering. It’s the little things sometimes that can make you feel confident and keep you from shying away from the group.
  • I took the BIG cumulative exam for my major and got a B-.  I am relieved it’s over but irritated the test was an MBA test not a MAOM specific test, as there were 3 classes that were covered that weren’t in my program. I’ve never had a statistics class in my life, global foreign affairs, nor information technology systems.  I will be writing a letter to the school about this too. But all ended well with a B and it’s over. One more big paper and 2 more assignments and done. DONE. 
  • Wedding ring is slippery on the finger now. Having to do ring check often to make sure it’s still there and hasn’t slipped off. 

So, some great NSVs to dance about and feeling good. Hopefully I can get this crazy week that coming and get me some miles logged on the treadmill in the midst-I neeeeed them. 

So move scale move. Before I start getting really worried. I’m not ready for a stall… 

PSA-Take Your Vitamins!

 
This is for all of my new and pre-surgery sleevers — Take Your Vitamins!

Don’t be me. The one who hasn’t taken her vitamins in 2 or 3 weeks. (I know, don’t blast me, I know)

But-I’m paying the price right now, let me tell you. This week I have felt like I did an iron man, run a marathon, And then got dragged around by a truck. I’m so freaking tired, sleeping like the dead-never long enough, and my mental faculties are just tapped (and I really need those right now!). 

I’ve been wondering what the hell, I don’t feel like I’m getting sick…and then it kind of hit me tonight. Holy crap I have not been taking my vitamins! How on earth have I been forgetting those, every day? I know how, I moved them out of my routine spot and have had a shit ton on my plate…still no excuse, but there it is. 

So don’t be me and find yourself crashed out. Take your vitamins every day – like it’s your job. 

4 Month Sleeve-Aversary

So here are the stats:

  • HW: 240
  • SW: 230.8 (-9.2)
  • Month 1 (-22)
  • Month 2: (-9.6)
  • Month 3: (-9.2)
  • Month 4: (-7.6)
  • CW: 182.4 (total loss -57.6) 
  • Inches: 
27.75 Inches…Buu-Bye!

I am pretty happy about my progress. Surprised about my loss this month, I thought it would be a few pounds more. My other app says -9 lbs down this month, so I am thinking I’m off in the math somewhere in the early months.  But the total is still the same. Next month I won’t have to whip out the calculator since Im using the My Weight app now.  I am THRILLED with the inch loss though. Funny, I finally lost some in my waist! This big ‘ol belly does not want to budge though, does it? 

I do know I probably had one of the worst months of all in terms of sticking to plan. With the Holidays and making it a point to see my friends more, I know I did not eat as well as I should have. That’s not to say I went nuts, obviously not, but I could have easily slid back into old habits so I’m thankful I at least kept a hold on that. And I’m ‘back on the wagon’ so to speak in terms of nutrition.

I’ve been diligent about getting my fluids in these last few days to try and abate some of this hunger. It’s helping a little. I was over at a girlfriends house last night and she had this pitcher of water with sliced lemon, lime, and orange floating at the top. Not only was it gorgeous but it was so refreshing! Needless to say I went out and bought the fruit today and sliced it up in a water pitcher. I could drink water like that all day long! If you’re having trouble with your water intake, I highly recommend giving this a try.  

Seems I am holding a steady pattern of about 9 pounds a month. Hoping for 12-15 this month though. I’m upping my running training and incorporating core and strength more so I don’t see that jump as unreasonable. I’ve got Vegas coming up people- it would be awesome to be in the 160’s by then. 

So that’s my 4 month update, y’all!  😘