Mantras

My personal mantras as of now, thought I’d share:

  • You’re not hungry, you’re thirsty. 
  • You’re not hungry, you’re bored. 
  • I want those carbs!  Eat a protein.
  • I want those sweets! Drink a protein shake or eat a Popsicle.
  • I want a nap! Go run 3 miles. 
  • Get on the scale! Fuck the scale. 

Seriously I am placing post-it notes with these everywhere so I can see them!

    Advertisements

    Re-set OVER

    I woke up this morning to some serious-I mean serious-hunger pains. Too many days of just liquids…I believe my pouch re-set is officially over. I have not had the energy to run since Monday and I really need to train. 

    In case anybody’s wondering-all of this and I only dropped a pound. Not that I was doing it to get the scale moving at all, I just find it interesting. The whole point was to get my body cleansed and my pouch healed. Hopefully mission accomplished so now it’s time to meal plan and be on track again. Because if I continue I feel like I’m being counter-intuitive if I just don’t have the energy to work out too.   I do have to admit it was a good mental exercise, oddly enough. I was controlling what went into my mouth again, instead of mindless, emotional or stress eating. So, back on track. 

    I’m coming up on my 5 month surgaversary and with this month being so low on the SV’s I want to focus heavily on the few NSV’s I’ve had. 

    • Knowing I’m going to Vegas in 3 weeks I was rummaging through my closet for some work clothes. I have a ton, I’ve worked in a corporate office my whole career until this last year. Unfortunately, everything I tried on was way too big and not something I would want to wear to an annual Summit meeting where I finally get to meet my peers in person. I do have a couple of dresses I could get away with, but I really don’t want to sit in meetings all day in a dress. So off to the store for some slacks-and a new pair of nice jeans (for the casual dinner the night before).
    • My yoga pants have officially become ‘sweat pants’ as they are not fitted anymore. The fold over flap doesn’t mess up when I sit anymore either-the band stays put. Yay!
    • Now I am too nervous to try on the gold dress I bought for Vegas again yet, But I did get the other dress I ordered for Vegas and it fits perfect and I look amazing in it! It’s SO comfortable too-bonus!
    • I can run a whole 1.5 miles without having to stop and walk! When I started I couldn’t run .2 miles without having to walk! Very excited about that. 
    • This one is random, but I finally found the perfect shade of daring lipstick.  I know, I said it was random. 
    • Lots of work-related NSV’s but I won’t bore you with details on those. But things are really going great there and I’m getting a lot of positive recognition.

    With that I am now going to make myself a good hearty and healthy breakfast! Xoxo

    Not Hiding

    So I come to you all a little vulnerable tonight. Whatever my reasons, which are in no way shape or form good ones, my eating habits lately have fallen off a cliff. 

    As I write I am curled into a ball on the floor of my sanctuary, writhing in pain from what must be over-indulgence today. I have received the clear message from my pouch that it is NOT happy and that I did it to her.  So I have spent some time really thinking about what I’ve eaten today and then taken a backwards looks at the last few weeks. In all honestly I would have to guess that 20% of the time I ate like I should; 80% not the best choices have been made.  I need to take back control, yesterday. 

    Ive been reading bariatric forums on doing a “reset” on your pouch. One is 5 days and one is 10 days. Both resemble my post-op plan just reduced down to days rather than weeks. I think I’m going to do this starting right in the morning. Clear, full, mushy, bland solids shredded. Then back to the correct SOP. I really feel that this will reset my pouch and detox me of all of the sugars and carbs. I am pretty sure I’m going to do the 10. Better now than do more damage to my precious pouch. 

    So send little prayers my way to keep me strong as I know the next 10 days will test me to the fullest. But it must be done.  

    Anyone else had to do something similar to keep yourself on track or just make sure your pouch doesn’t get stretched? How’d it go?

    Good week

    So it’s been a crazy good week! On top of some awesome stuff that happened at work, getting my final grade and overall GPA (which I’m happy with the result), and starting a second blog – I have had my personal best runs yet this week AND I’m getting my eating back on track! And the scale moved!!  I’ve lost 2 lbs this week!  So it seems all of the listed above are my NSVs and SV for this week, huh? Yes! 

    I’ve been reading a good bit this week too, which let me tell you, has been wonderful! I haven’t read a good book for pleasure in a very very long time. I get immersed in books so I couldn’t let myself read while I was in school, my attention would have been devoted to my book and not my tasks or text book. So it was a discipline to just not read pleasure books. Now that I am reading what I want to read, it has been exciting in and of itself!

    Thank you for all of you who have visited me at The Road, I really appreciate it! As you can gather, it’s been a week of major self reflection too. All part of the journey to not only give myself better physical health, but mental strength and emotional stabilization too.  Loving this whole path I’m on!  I really am gettin it all around. It’s revitalizing! 

    Looking forward to a kick butt weekend too. I’m going on a long run on the pavement tomorrow while the kiddo is at lacrosse practice. Getting myself ready for my first/next race of many scheduled on the 27th – which is kind of a hard one and a little intimidating to step back into, but it’ll go great. I’m more interested in the finish for this one, not necessarily my best race time.  I’m positive I will be y’all up to date on my progress throughout. 😁

      

    Miss me?

    Helloooooo blogosphere! I have been keeping up with each of you, but have been lax in posting myself! Honestly I have been just racked these last weeks-SO ridiculously busy!  And I really haven’t had any stellar ideas about what I wanted to talk about…

    So here are the stats to date:

    Tuesday’s Musings

    Happy Tuesday!

    So I finally broke down today after a talk I had with a friend and made an appointment with my doctor’s office for Friday.  I had already taken the day off so I was glad to get in.  I asked to only see the nutritionist this time, so maybe they will actually see me in less than a 30 minute wait.  I refuse to be there more than two hours waiting to be called again!  If that happens I can assure you I’m hunting a new doctor that is more respectful of my time.  Will update on that.

    I’ve been logging everything that goes into my mouth via MFP and maintaining my nutrient ratios and calorie intake.  Some days I’m a little over on carbs, but not by too much.  It mostly stems from fruit or my indulgence of cream of wheat some days.  Hey it’s packed with iron!  I seem to be right around 80g average a day on the protein.

    Once again I’m stalled.  Which is having its effects on my motivation.  Annnnd I’ll just leave that topic there, because there’s no point in whining about my frustrations with this 2+ week stall – again.

    I’m spending a good deal of time reflecting on the things that I am thankful for this month.  I know a lot of people like to take the month of November and do this.  I think it’s a good thing, and I started a couple of years ago.

    Geez, I think about where I was a little over a year ago and am just blown away that I’m in the place that I am today.  My marriage has flipped upside-down (in the best way),  I finally took the leap and started a new career that I specifically wanted and managed to land, I’m almost done with my Master’s degree, I took this great big step for my health with VSG, and my relationship with God continues to grow every day.  It’s AMAZING how things can look so bleak one day and then be golden the very next.  Well, maybe not the next day, but all of the dramatic changes in my life are still so fresh and mind-blowing.

    So, I’m just going to revel in my happiness and thankfulness this month and try not to worry about the scale.

    More to come soon…

    -XOXO

    Food is Psychological

    My husband just does NOT understand. 

      
    He’s one of those who can eat and eat and eat and not worry about it. Let’s also add that he walks about 6-7 miles a day on his job. Weight for him has never ever been a battle and he love love loves food. 

    We met family tonight from out of town for dinner. At a pizza joint. I asked him if I had to go (I knew it was going to be torture for me-I’m just not quite there yet). He made a big deal about it so, of course I went. 

    I ended up eating a about a 1/4 of a chicken Cesar salad wrap which was really delicious. But I was really really thirsty the whole time and of course couldn’t drink anything. And surrounded by such ooie-gooie goodness of pizza and garlic knots all around me. I was miserable. I was really trying not to be – just ignore the food and carry on… But really I was.

    My husband got a little pissy with me after we left and was like, what is wrong with you-you’re acting all bleh and down!  

    Really. He just doesn’t understand. And I guess he won’t for as long as I am not used to this either. 

    Other than being thirsty as everything, I was satisfied with my meal. Just, I don’t know, maybe the feeling of being forbidden from something..??

    I keep correcting everyone that knows when they say “can you have that?”  My answer is “I can have anything I want, I just choose to make a better choice.”  Making those choices are definitely forced right now, true. 

    I am excited for the day when they are natural choices and not a psychological battle. 

    NSV- today I am able to get my wedding band off! I haven’t been able to get it off in almost a year! Woo hoo! 🙂

    Weekend Whirlwind

    My what a weekend! I had planned to get in a C25K training session in either Saturday or Sunday (better yet both?) but that did NOT happen. To that end I planned to clean my house too, but only was able to get half of it done. 

    Two lacrosse games right in the middle of both days, running the oldest to and from a drama competition over an hour away, a fundraiser last night and helping my son with a HUGE project- this gal is souped! And no training was squeezed into any of that!  (I probably could have woken up earlier this morning to train but snuggling under the covers seemed like a much more important endeavor…)

    I’m looking forward to a very positive week. That scale is going to move, by George!  I have to say my attitude is in the right place!  Seeing those list inches really jazzed me up!  

      
    I haven’t been able to plan my week menu yet. This really is a sticking point with me- I really have to figure out what I will be eating everyday or I just don’t eat and we all know that’s not a good plan! So I’m planned through lunch tomorrow and will be planning the rest of my week’s menu then. 

    Looking forward to a great week! Hope you all are looking forward to the same! 

    See y’all tomorrow! Xoxo

    Brick Walls

    My mom warned me of this. I really didn’t know truly what she meant until today though. She and two of her sisters had the gastric bypass about 12-15 years ago. She said that when you hit the wall, (they all said it), you have no reserves to pull from after having bariatric surgery. 

      
    Well mama, I hit a damn wall today! And I feel as weak and drained as everything. Ok.  I know I’m not getting enough food every day. It’s lack of preparation on my part and a diligence to make good food choices at the same time. And I haven’t been taking my vitamins. 

    I’ve got to get my sh*t under control. I can’t just keep winging it. This is important. I’m letting too much of my crazy life get in the way of taking time to take care of me.  

    So I’ve hit a literal and physical brick wall. I post this not to shame myself, I know what I’m doing wrong folks. I do. I post this in case others are going through this or to prevent pre-ops from going through this. Be prepared to be prepared, plan, schedule, get all of your calories in from the right foods of course, get your fluids in and take your vitamins! 

    So me and my brick wall are going to bed and hope to take my own damn advice the rest of this week and going forward. 

    -Xoxox