I cannot describe this feeling…

 
I did it. I just hit “submit” on the very last paper I’ll ever have to write for school!  Ever! It’s not ‘official’ until my grade posts later this week, but I’m counting it as DONE!

I literally can’t stop smiling right now. Oh my God, I’ve been in school (bachelors and masters) for 5 years! I took a 6 month break between degrees but I knew it was just a break. I was going to jump right back in.  This time I know, I’m like done for good.  The relief I feel is overwhelming. The pride I feel is amazing. 

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Ramblings

I have no particular train of thought to share tonight. More like a random trail of what’s-on my-very-over-worked-brain tonight…

Had to take my car in for repairs today. Let me just tell you, the only warranty I believe in and will vehemently recommend to everyone I know, is the extended warranty on a car.  Seriously, it has paid for itself 4x over.  I found out I have only 2000 more miles to go before mine’s up. Can I get a “whew and thank you Jesus!”  And I’m trying to see if there’s such a thing as an extended extended warranty because I’m buying!

I have thought it was Thursday All. Freaking. Day.  It’s not. 

I have 5, five days of school left. Work is mad busy. So my bum hurts from sitting in my office chair for 16+ hours a day for the last week. And days since I last ran…10…I’m doing a run on Saturday dang it, my paper can wait an hour or two!

My scale is still stuck at 180.2.  What the what is happening here…I had a total freak out last night in my head about all of this. What if I fail? What if I stay at this weight for good? What if I gain all of my weight back? Blah blah blah. I was in a total dark place. Husband made a very good point about it though. He said I have battled my weight my whole life and it’s just crazy to think that fear is just going to go away. So true!

My pants are hanging off of me. Husband has started calling me “droopy drawers”. (Yes we’re southern). I need to get in my closet next week and see if I have any smaller pant sizes in there. Good problem to have…

I’m sure that, due to my stress level being so high right now, I am fighting major food battles.  All I can say is, thank heavens I work from home and have no crap food in the house!

I am SO looking forward to Tuesday. That is when I officially get back my Sunday’s, Monday nights and Thursday nights back!  I am going to train so hard!! And get back to meal planning! 

And writing much more-interesting-than-this blog posts. ๐Ÿ˜œ

Tick-tock

11 days. (Seems my life right now is broken up into days…)

11 days and that scale has been stuck. Every morning I get on and the same number glares up at me. Every flipping morning now for -did I mention?- 11.  Eff’n. Days. 

I’m getting very antsy now. I have been so busy/stressed last week and was not able to exercise, between work and school and the total purge of the basement (we rented one of those construction sized dumpsters and only have it a couple of weeks so time is of the essence- we have a roommate moving in next weekend!) That’s a story for another post though. 

I have been taking in my water and vitamins diligently – the vitamins just the last three days straight since my ‘uh oh’ moment a few days ago. 

So in an effort to not obsess over the lack of movement on that scale I am going to celebrate some NSV’s please:

  • Doing really well with this new budgeting software. Took a few free classes to get it down and I think I get it, so I’m off and running. 
  • We went to out first small group Bible Study of the year tonight and everyone was amazed at how much weight I’ve lost and told me I looked amazing and really didn’t need to lose anymore I looked fabulous. I was very close to admitting my surgery to them as they kept asking what I was doing. My knee-jerk response to that question has been “everything imaginable”. But this group is such a blessing and I’m almost certain no judgement would be made. I almost told them but the conversation kept moving and it just didn’t seem like the right time to say it. But they were very warm and genuinely happy for me.  I told them I had 40 more lbs to go and they were genuinely like ‘from where!?’
  • My ‘skinny’ boot it jeans that I’ve been wearing officially fall off my arse constantly.  I think they’re 14s.  
  • Got my hair done Friday and it looks amazing. Also I finally found the perfect lipstick color and wear that is really really flattering. It’s the little things sometimes that can make you feel confident and keep you from shying away from the group.
  • I took the BIG cumulative exam for my major and got a B-.  I am relieved it’s over but irritated the test was an MBA test not a MAOM specific test, as there were 3 classes that were covered that weren’t in my program. I’ve never had a statistics class in my life, global foreign affairs, nor information technology systems.  I will be writing a letter to the school about this too. But all ended well with a B and it’s over. One more big paper and 2 more assignments and done. DONE. 
  • Wedding ring is slippery on the finger now. Having to do ring check often to make sure it’s still there and hasn’t slipped off. 

So, some great NSVs to dance about and feeling good. Hopefully I can get this crazy week that coming and get me some miles logged on the treadmill in the midst-I neeeeed them. 

So move scale move. Before I start getting really worried. I’m not ready for a stall… 

10 More Days – hell week

Ten. More. Days. Of HELL, but hey it’s only ten days, right?

I have a 2-hour program major exam this week and a 12-page paper due on the 31st by midnight. (In the middle of this, I just got two new clients at work and have been configuring sites like mad).

I WILL BE A GRADUATE!  What I’ve always wanted – my Master’s Degree!!! ๐ŸŽ“

 

I barely made it y’all. Between my marriage falling apart (at the time-all better now) through the first year of this program, starting a new career in the middle, and having to take a course twice, this was a true struggle. I will graduate with a 3.2 GPA so I guess I didn’t scrape it totally, but it has taken everything in me to get here.

So, send me little prayers to get me through the last stretch…I’m gonna need ’em!

Objectives Overwhelmed

Ok, so there are so many pros to making goals and lists. They are necessary and help keep you focused. I live by lists – I even have  a very specific symbol system in place–deltas, astrisks, bullets, arrows, circles — you get the picture. 

I am hyper-focused this New Year and I am determined to get several things accomplished. Oddly enough, only one of these goals relates to weight loss. Well two-weekly food planning and daily fitness routines. But that’s an everyday task goal not necessarily a long-term goal on the list. Yes I’m present in my journey, but it’s separate from what I’m talking about here

So what’s the problem? Well, let me make a list… Kidding. Sort-of… 

My long-term goals require quite a bit of preparation, planning, researching, and data input to kick them off. So those objectives are in the 3-month goal category. And the the tasks to meet those objectives are broken down and prioritized into the next 12 or so weeks. These tasks must be completed for any single goal to work and get me to my long-term achievement.  They are, on their own, the launch pads for the bigger goals if you will.  For example, one goal is overhauling my finances and building a realistic budget to live by… The prep work has to be compiled and put into a budget plan before we can follow it.   That was example A, but I have like A through E in the 3 month goal category that will lay the path for 1 year and 3 year goals.  All of these on my list are important to my family. They will change everything about the way we live now and prepare for what’s to come. I’ve been praying about it hard for months and God has placed it on my heart to take action. I’m listening and getting to work. 

Annnnd, with my final stretch of grad school in full effect for the next 4 weeks, work changes and challenges hitting, oh yeah and life happening…I find myself a bit daunted by the sheer volume of work that needs to be done before the end of March. Taking it one day and one week at a time to stay focused and trying not to think of all of the tasks on the full list at once. But I’m looking to the future and it’s hard not to think about the things that need to be done now and not feel a wee overwhelmed. 

Overwhelmed has previously led me straight to the cupboards for munchies. I swear I needed munchies while I did homework and research papers and that has been cold turkey cut out since surgery. But the itch still exists – I just overcome it with water and pep-talks. Lots of pep talks that usually go something like this, “$14k. $14k! A better workout tomorrow. A healthier you. Don’t get up and graze the kitchen! Just don’t” 9x out of 10 I win. But not every time. And then guilt plagues. Stress and guilt – a recipe for depression. And, as the scale indicates, a recipe for stalls. 

Taking a step aside from WLS, any advice from my fellows to tackle the overwhelmed compulsive eater? Or even the goals and tasks process?  Much appreciated…

Reflections and Resolutions

As I reflect on the year of 2015, I truly am blown away by all of the changes I have personally made in my life, in just this last year. Not in any particular order…I changed careers, I took control of my health and gave myself another tool so that I might finally be successful, I started this blog, and I took a focused look inward to realize my strengths and weaknesses to tackle what I need to celebrate and what I need to work on in the various aspects of my life.  I did good this year. All of the things I set out to do this year I did, and more. 

Now I have to admit, I met 2015 with a battered heart and a lack of faith in myself, really walking adrift and aimless at the beginning. For most of 2013 and all of 2014 my sole focus was on my marriage and keeping the kids oblivious to the turmoil. With the dust settled, doors closed, and new foundations being constructed by the end of 2014 I took a look in the mirror last New Year’s Eve and, while I was hopeful, I was damn tired. Drained. Like swimming in the ocean for months and months and finally making it to the shore, success!, but no more gas in the tank, know what I mean?  I didn’t have a plan for my personal goals and growth.  I couldn’t even tell you what those were. Yes I was in the middle of grad school but just pushing the paces to get me through until graduation.  

It wasn’t until February when I was sitting in a 3-day summit meeting at work when it hit me – dead in the face – what in the hell am I doing here? I hate this industry and there’s no where for me to grow or even do something different!  I made a plan then and there. I was going to bide my time, finish grad school, then go on the hunt for something inspiring and ideally from home. My kids are getting into their teenage years and my constant presence in their lives would be even more vital than ever before. A week later a job popped up in my LinkedIn profile bar, and it was with a company I desperately wanted to work for and had wanted to for 3 years.  I didn’t go lookin for it either-in my mind I wasn’t ready. But there it was, right in front of me. I took a chance and applied. 7 weeks and 5 interviews later I was offered a position with this company and I haven’t looked back. More money, I work from home, and the growth opportunities are endless. And I absolutely love what I do now and the company I work for. 

Meanwhile, I took a strong hold on my health. Diet and exercise, Crossfit, personal trainer, c25k, weight watchers, I was in the war zone – and losing. Discouraged and depressed I turned to food and self-sabotaged every effort I was making. But I didn’t stop the efforts, just obviously couldn’t break trough. I gained 40 lbs in 6 months. Enough was enough and VSG was going to help me win over depression and self-sabotage. I committed and was/am all in now. Best decision ever.  

I started this blog. Both to meet fellow WLS Angels and to keep myself accountable. A bonus would be if I helped others out in their journeys too. It’s been amazing so far, living my journey and sharing with others and becoming friends with people who understand just how hard this really is. 

Those are the highlights-the big stuff-and just know there were so many other changes in my life I was making too. 

So, when I look in the mirror on Thursday I ask myself what I will see. What will I do? What do I want and How will I do it?  I want answers and plans on Thuraday-a list and a plan. 

So what is your New Year’s resolution?  2016 has a whole host of changes coming my way-those that are already seen. Student loans, financial planning, the logistical stuff yes, but things that need to be tackled for sure. 

But what about the me part? I am a mom and a wife and I am not by any means a selfish person. But 2016 is going to be focused on me. Selfish? Maybe. But the better I make me, the better I am for those impacted by me.  

I bought a Passion Planner.  I oogled and googled and found the right one for me. I’m very excited about receiving it. It may not be here for a few weeks but the site allows you a free download so I printed the directions and a few weeks to get me started for when I get the book. And I am excited. I am looking deep to find my true passion.  I am making an action plan, that incorporates all of my life goals and tasks to make my way towards them into my daily routine. My New Year’s resolution? To diligently USE my planner everyday, to capture my thoughts and be accountable to my dreams and what I am doing to make them a reality. I won’t accomplish everything in one year,  I know, but at least will be driving the bus to a destination of my own design. 

No more aimless days of just getting through the logistics of daily life. I will walk with purpose. And I will have yet another tool in my Arsenal to help me get there. 

   
So what are your resolutions? Your passions? I’d really love to hear…

2 Month Surg-aversaryย 

Today marks exactly 2 months to the day from surgery. I have mixed emotions about that because I am not where I’d thought I’d be at this milestone, but overall am proud of the progress I’ve made so far. 

I’m down a total of 30.8 lbs. I just literally broke the 200’s – but barely. I know the doctor said I’m  progressing just fine but I have put it a LOT of effort here with running and eating and just though I’d be closer to the 40 lbs+ milestone right now. 

Which speaking of food- I’m getting so bored with my diet. I am going to have to really start delving into some recipes to get some variety soon, or trigger foods are soon to become a real problem. I do well avoiding the kids after-school snacks but they are looking more and more enticing as the days of baked chicken, hamburger patties, and protein shakes consist of my daily diet. I did make a chicken and white bean chili tonight that is less spicy than the last batch I made-which was so good but my pouch can not handle anything with a semblance of spice yet-not even salsa for eggs.  Hope it’s a yummy change that I can handle.  Fingers crossed…

I’m a bit ambivalent these last weeks about my journey so far. Not in a bad way- I feel like if I focus less on the scale I am less stressed about the progress I am (not)/making and I can focus on the daily activity and routine of my food and diet. Plus, I’m just sort of tired of worrying right now-it’s taking away from some of the real progress am making on a daily basis.  That’s not to say I am not. I’m still thinking about it, just not obsessing about it. I hope that makes sense.  

Enough about WLS for right now. Some life and NSV wins

  • I’m killing it at work. Just started this job in May-my dream job/company- and I am kicking ass.  Hope this trend continues as my client load becomes more complex in 2016.
  • I found some workout skorts I love to workout in on clearance for $5 each and was able to get a Large! Not XL- large. And they fit well!
  • My old company is paying me premium to come in for two days this week and week after Thanksgiving to do some things I’m the only one who could do-which is really much needed cash. 
  • I’ve been killing it at C25k training and additional running training. Very proud of myself and the progress I’ve made. My goal is to run 3.5 mikes without stopping by my birthday and like an omen found one 5k race the day after in my town.
  • Husband notices BIG differences in my body. Happy!
  • Did I mention I only have 9 papers (not counting assignments) until I’m done with school forever?!
  • Relationships in my life are becoming more rich and I am able to reciprocate more than I ever have been able to (time management issues in the past).

I’m trying to dedicate more time to everyone’s blogs and stories because I really love this WordPress community and want to know others victories. I’m sorry I’ve been behind and promise to be more present going forward. I think about you all many times a day and wonder how each of you are doing. Just haven’t been able to catch up on my emails.  So sorry my responses will be delayed but I am reading and catching up over the next couple days. You all are so inspirational and just wonderful people- I’m so thankful to share your friendships. 

See you in the posts soon. Much love!

-Xoxox 

What will I do with all of my time?

My husband asked me tonight, “So what will you Do with all of your extra time when you’re done with school?!” 

Well. Good question. 

  • I can definitely get more food prep in. 
  • Keep the house cleaner through the week (I hope). 
  • Maybe up my fitness training. Get 10,000 steps (running or walking) a day religiously. 
  • Throw in a painting once a month like I’d hoped to do when I got my mini-studio for Christmas last year.
  • Actually have time to do some volunteer work with church. 
  • Incorporate reading back into my life. The great fiction kind that doesn’t involve in-depth analysis and brain freeze paper writing. 
  • Write better blog material that doesn’t just involve WLS.

The simple fact of the matter is, I’m going to revel in the freedom of doing nothing for at least a couple of  weeks. 

Any great ideas-that don’t involve taking a class, lol?

Planning

Happy Friday! It’s not Friday, but it’s my Friday today!!! Yay!  I have had such a busy but productive week that it feels like Friday anyway! Plus I’m off tomorrow… Hee hee! ๐Ÿ˜ฌ

So I got to thinking the other day…I’m going to graduate soon!  And I got an inkling in my brain “should I throw a party in celebration?”  So I did what most would do and I asked my best friend… She said Hell Yes! And then she mentioned something that hadn’t even occurred to me- graduation announcements! 

I have been scouring venues for a party and graduation annnounent invitations ever since. I’m so excited! I think I have found the perfect invitation announcement, venue is a little bit iffy still though. The place I really want to have it does not book reservations or private parties on Friday or Saturday nights. Weeknight parties are a no-go with my invite list.  Totally bummed about that so the hunt is still on.  I’ve made my invite list and everything so I can begin collecting addresses. Adam cracked me up by asking “don’t you just do an online announcement invitation?”  I’m like, No not for this, du-uh! lol!

But it’s like, it really has sunk in that I’m going to be done with school. Soon. I’ve been in school for over 4 years folks.  This is freaking awesome! And there’s a party in my near future.  Wooooooo-hooooo on all counts!

Saturday is my glow-in-the-dark 5k race. My daughter, best friend, and more friends are doing it too. It’s going to be a fun night!  What will I wear…๐Ÿ‘Ÿ๐Ÿ‘Ÿ

Happy Thursday, y’all! 

-xoxo

Let’s try again tomorrow

 
What a Monday! It all started when I woke up too late to C25k! Had to take the oldest to pediatrician this morning-which started my workday off late and hence- no break to hit the treadmill at lunch…

So nervous-but grand news-I finished and turned in my final paper for the worlds more horrific class tonight. Hopefully I passed this time (yes, I failed my first attempt by 1.23 points. No, I’m not kidding). Will be nail-biting until I get that final grade later this week.  And TWO-count ’em-TWO classes left before I’m done with formal education forever! Thank you Jesus! (I’ll be thankful until those student loan payments roll in- holy hell…) Now my qualifications match the job I have, so no specific raise to be expected as a result of finishing grad school. *sigh*

So, the moral of the story here is I did not get a workout in today. Boo! 

But I did make a 3-meal crockpot dish tonight and will throw another one on tomorrow so I am set for the week on food. I am determined to get better about logging in My Fitness Pal. I will do great for a couple of days and then stop, then do great, then… So that’s another goal for this week.

I am really looking forward to my 5k in two and three weeks.  I really feel like I’m going to kill it. Planning to run 2:1 intervals for the actual race-not run the C25k app on the phone. Plus- they’re going to be FUN! The one on the 7th is a glow-in-the-dark race and the one on the 14th is a race in Christmas Lights. How fun do those sound, right?  So training is mucho-importante right now for sure! 

So here’s to tomorrow- dust today off the shoulders and get back on the wagon bright and early! 

Have a kick-butt kind of Tuesday y’all! Xoxo