Inbody

So I’m back at Crossfit. Have been for about a month. I go 4x-5x week and I have personal programming this time-no group Wod for me unless I’m doing a partner wod with my husband on Saturdays. 

So why did I join back up to do something I have admittedly hated doing in the past? Well, a few reasons. One, it works. Two, and probably the biggest reason: my husband and I, after almost 17 years of marriage, have never shared a hobby.  And while this isn’t a “hobby” really, it’s a thing. A thing we’re both doing-maybe not together everyday but sometimes, we’re both doing it and have something to share and talk about and progress with together.  That’s a big deal to both of us. Three, I need discipline. Running alone had waned off for me and I just wasn’t doing any kind of exercise for a few months. Nobody was pushing me to do it either. And here I’m watching my husband kick his ass at CrossFit every day -while I’m over here gaining 10lbs for the holidays- and I’m like, I have to do something! And quick!

Sooooo, speaking of that 10lbs…. I’ve been avoiding the scale for months-which is crazy because I was so obsessed with it for a year-and just seeing that number on the inbody today was like reality check! Crap crap crap! 10lbs… I could kick my own ass for this… 

The inbody showed my BMI was at 29% though, which considering I was at 49% a little over a year ago is still something to be celebrated. I’m at 38% body fat so definitely want to get that number down. 

I need to lose another 35lbs. Which was right in line with goal weight to begin with. So right after Christmas (I must have some of moms potato soup on Christmas Day) I am back on post-op diet. No more carbs. Lots less sugars. Lot more water. Protein protein protein!

Speaking of protein, have you tried Juice Plus shakes? So so good! Mix in some Greek yogurt (which I loathe otherwise) and it’s a protein-packed meal right there. 

Updates a comin’ as I jump back on the wagon! Missed y’all!

  

The Stall from Hell

170. A number I have begun to LOATHE with all that is in me. 

Every. Single. Morning. 170 stares back up at me from the digits on my scale monitor. What are we on, like 2 months now?!

I happened to break it ONE day to 169.6 – I was elated! Literally danced around my bathroom like I just won the Power 5 or something. Yes, I finally broke the 170’s!!!  It lasted only that day. The next day I was 170.2 or some shit like that. Again. 

I’m elated that it’s not going up, for certain. But my body IS shifting itself around–weight is re-distributing itself WVERYWHERE. As an example, I find the top of my “back fat” is gone now but then I have a complete spare tire above my belly button now. It’s so weird. I don’t feel like I’m losing inches this month- I’m still in a perfect size 12. Not getting any looser or tighter. Just comfortable. Still in a medium top…I just want to lose 25 more pounds. 25! And I’m working so HARD! 

So I post this to whine, for sure, but to also show my fellow VSG-ers, stalls are very real.  You WILL have them.  And while they can be very discouraging, we (including me) MUST remember that we just have to keep rockin’ n Rollin’.  Our bodies will get there, maybe just not as fast as our minds want them to.

In the mean time, 170 can take a back seat to the 160’s – please and thank you. 

-Xoxo

Bu-Bye Crossfit

So I did Crossfit for about a year and a half before I had surgery. I absolutely despised it the entire time. Quite honestly I think the only reason I did it at all was because it was something my husband and I did together. 

We’re talking anxiety attacks and yes, sobbing, on the way to the box almost every time. Many times I cried during Crossfit too. I thought it had to be my weight and because I was trying to sling around 240 lbs that’s why it made me so miserable. 

So I thought/hoped that maybe now it might not be bad-that because I’ve lost all of this weight it wouldn’t just totally suck anymore. Plus it was still something my husband and I could do together. He doesn’t run at all so it’s not like that was an option. So I (thank God) IM’d the Crossfit coach and was straight with him. Said I was anxious about coming back and signing a contract, only to realize I still f’g hated it. So he told me I could just do a punch card first and then at the end of the month see what’s up. Ok, I can handle that…

So I went April 1st. Dreaded it the whole day. Hated everything about it while I was doing it and my outlook was grim after I was finished. Crap. 

I need to add something more to my exercise than just running and yoga-but I’m really not disciplined to do strength trianing from an app or Pinterest–what in the world was I going to do?

One golden nugget fell into my lap as we waited for the Crossfit class to begin that night. One of the ladies was talking about how she had done this and that and everything was just too Boring for her. Then I heard her mention ‘the kickboxing gym in (my town)’. I think I knocked someone over as I reeled around with great interest in finding out more about this kickboxing gym. Here? We have a real kickboxing gym close by? Apparently we do. And I was vera, vera excited about that!! I did real kickboxing in late Highschool and loved it. Then we moved to GA after I graduated and I have just never found one that was the real deal anywhere near me so didn’t get back into it. So of course the next opportunity I got I stopped into said gym. They do kickboxing, muiy tai (sp?) kickboxing, boxing and Crossfit. You’re not limited to days you can go or which activity – you can do CF then walk right over and do the kickboxing class then stay for open gym, 6 days a week! And it’s only $20 more a month! 

I took my first class to make sure they were the real deal – no gi and lots of sweat. I swiped my card right after class was over. And every time I go I am so excited and pumped to get there and do it. This is what I needed- this is not only motivation, but a hella workout and the best one-on-one personal trianing I’ve ever seen. I am in love! So running-check. Yoga-check. Now kickboxing-check! So freaking excited! I’m bruised and blistered and starting to get a little calloused, and I’m sore like I should be using all of these muscles in new ways so I know the results are sure to come. 

Moral of the story – find the workouts that get you jazzed. Don’t fit yourself into a box that you think you should be in to get a workout in. 

On the running front, I am making HUGE progress. 6 months ago I was running a 16:30 average mile. Now I’m doing under 13! I’m almost there to goal – May 21 is the Big Day–the 1st goal race. Running the entire race without stopping to walk at all. I’m close. So close. Getting better every time. Still not getting over 10 miles a week like I want to but I’m getting 8-9 miles… Not too far off. I don’t get nervous before a run anymore. I’m not interval trianing anymore either. Just the MMR app that tells me pace and distance as I go and then logs it in my history. 

Yoga in the mornings, running in the afternoon (as many days as work allows) and kickboxing in the evening (as many days as kid’s sports allow). Here I come healthy!! 

My 7 month sleevaversary is Saturday. Husband has a Warrior Dash obstacle race the afternoon and then I have a 5k that night so I think Sunday we’ll do measurements. Let’s see where I’m at…  

Xoxo

I cannot describe this feeling…

 
I did it. I just hit “submit” on the very last paper I’ll ever have to write for school!  Ever! It’s not ‘official’ until my grade posts later this week, but I’m counting it as DONE!

I literally can’t stop smiling right now. Oh my God, I’ve been in school (bachelors and masters) for 5 years! I took a 6 month break between degrees but I knew it was just a break. I was going to jump right back in.  This time I know, I’m like done for good.  The relief I feel is overwhelming. The pride I feel is amazing. 

Tick-tock

11 days. (Seems my life right now is broken up into days…)

11 days and that scale has been stuck. Every morning I get on and the same number glares up at me. Every flipping morning now for -did I mention?- 11.  Eff’n. Days. 

I’m getting very antsy now. I have been so busy/stressed last week and was not able to exercise, between work and school and the total purge of the basement (we rented one of those construction sized dumpsters and only have it a couple of weeks so time is of the essence- we have a roommate moving in next weekend!) That’s a story for another post though. 

I have been taking in my water and vitamins diligently – the vitamins just the last three days straight since my ‘uh oh’ moment a few days ago. 

So in an effort to not obsess over the lack of movement on that scale I am going to celebrate some NSV’s please:

  • Doing really well with this new budgeting software. Took a few free classes to get it down and I think I get it, so I’m off and running. 
  • We went to out first small group Bible Study of the year tonight and everyone was amazed at how much weight I’ve lost and told me I looked amazing and really didn’t need to lose anymore I looked fabulous. I was very close to admitting my surgery to them as they kept asking what I was doing. My knee-jerk response to that question has been “everything imaginable”. But this group is such a blessing and I’m almost certain no judgement would be made. I almost told them but the conversation kept moving and it just didn’t seem like the right time to say it. But they were very warm and genuinely happy for me.  I told them I had 40 more lbs to go and they were genuinely like ‘from where!?’
  • My ‘skinny’ boot it jeans that I’ve been wearing officially fall off my arse constantly.  I think they’re 14s.  
  • Got my hair done Friday and it looks amazing. Also I finally found the perfect lipstick color and wear that is really really flattering. It’s the little things sometimes that can make you feel confident and keep you from shying away from the group.
  • I took the BIG cumulative exam for my major and got a B-.  I am relieved it’s over but irritated the test was an MBA test not a MAOM specific test, as there were 3 classes that were covered that weren’t in my program. I’ve never had a statistics class in my life, global foreign affairs, nor information technology systems.  I will be writing a letter to the school about this too. But all ended well with a B and it’s over. One more big paper and 2 more assignments and done. DONE. 
  • Wedding ring is slippery on the finger now. Having to do ring check often to make sure it’s still there and hasn’t slipped off. 

So, some great NSVs to dance about and feeling good. Hopefully I can get this crazy week that coming and get me some miles logged on the treadmill in the midst-I neeeeed them. 

So move scale move. Before I start getting really worried. I’m not ready for a stall… 

10 Things I’ve Learned So Far

Taking a page from a friend and fellow blogger, I wanted to reflect on the top-10 things I’ve learned since having my surgery in September. 

  1. Every journey is unique. It’s so easy, and c’mon, so natural for us to compare our losses and successes to others like us-those who have had the surgery or are going though the process. Just like every single doctor that each of us have, the plans are not the same. Our bodies and medical conditions and personal battles with food are not the same. We will each go through this uniquely. 
  2. I am not a patient person. I know this about myself, so maybe this really doesn’t count as things I’ve learned. But patience is key. You cannot just wake-up one day without a food addiction.  This has been such an eye-opener. Look I didn’t expect that I would, truth is I never hyper-focused on my very real addiction until after my surgery when it really showed itself in true colors. But now I want it gone. Like, yesterday. I fight every day and will keep fighting, but I can’t wait until the fight doesn’t feel like a scene from Spartacus. 
  3. My confidence will be restored. Whether it’s all of the endorphins from working out, the healthier food, or the clothes that no longer fit, I feel good. My husband and friends have noticed a huge difference in my interactions with them and in public -I am more myself again. Light, funny and not apart. I didn’t really realize that I had effectively made myself a bit of a recluse. More somber, quiet, no longer life of the party, no spiritually enlightening conversations, or brainstorming the possibilities of life and the hilarity that comes from doing that with friends you’ve had in your life for over 12 years. So I see a little more of myself every day in the mirror.  The face, eyes and smiles that have crept back into my psychie. I am starting to like me again. 
  4. Future clothes shopping (without buying) is fun. I have an Amazon addiction. More importantly, I have ‘Wish List’ addiction. Exploring the possibilities of wearing very different colors, patterns, and rocking a new style is fun.  And all I have to do is click ‘save to wish list’. It’s like personal vision board for clothes. It’s cathartic to me.
  5. Meal planning is the only thing that works. Whether your planning you family’s menu for the week or planning you own (you should do both) it is seriously the only ritual that must be done in order to keep you on track. You might get to a point as far into the journey where you can wing it-you’ve got it down pat-I’d still recommend advanced meal planning. When you walk out of your office hungry and are faced with your favorite chips as the first thing you see, if you already have a meal prepared in the fridge or lunchbox-already you’re 10x less likely to nibble on those chips. Let’s not forget you’re ensuring adequate nutrition for the day by having a plan. 
  6. Progress moves. Whether it’s a scale loss, stall or up a couple of pounds you’re still moving forward. Measurements, exercise, good food choices, proper water intake, NSVs- you’re moving. And it’s progress. It moves all around you like water in the ocean, swirling from all different directions but ultimately pushing you to its destination – the wave making it to the glorious sand – where you’ll finally sink in your feet and raise your eyes to the brighter sky. 
  7. NSVs are 10x more potent than SVs. When you finally break through that which was impossible, or holding you back, or situations that plagued you, those are the ones that make you squeal with delight and make you feel like “Yes!”  Bet you dont quite get that from just a pound or two loss on the scale this morning. 
  8. There is no reason to mourn food. You are not depriving yourself-this isn’t a diet. It’s a way of life, a way to health. Relish the idea that one day, if you keep it up, you won’t want to choose the crap you once craved. Emotional eating may still be your battle but instead of pastries and alcohol you’ll feed it with fuel food and herbal tea. Kale will be your candy! Well, maybe not, but either way you’ll want to eat the good stuff. White bean chicken chili is my new comfort food, especially in this cold weather. 
  9. Daily meditation and self-reflection is critical. Getting right with yourself everyday is as essential to your spirit as prayer and worship of our Lord. You have to get in touch with yourself to understand where you’ve been, where you are, and where you’re going to keep yourself-not just focused, sure-but that you’re still you and that you love you. You must find that love, even if you don’t think you’ve ever had it before. All the more reason to do this. I have a wall heater in my bathroom, and carpet in the main area. I sit in my spot in front of that heater every night, turn on my relaxation sounds, and reflect. Very effective for learning to love myself again. 
  10. I am not alone and I CAN do it! Whether it’s support from the people around me or from those who read and comment on my blog (thank you) and inviting me into their own journeys to share and celebrate their triumphs and success, this community is everything. We can’t, nor should we, do this alone.  I know I can do it, because I am doing it, and have an awesome support system that’s got my back even when I trip. You all rock!

While I’ve learned so much more than these ten things, these are those that reflect what’s top of mind for me right now. My motivational quote for this week: 

Look in the mirror. The only competition you have is you.

This is specifically speaking to my workout goals for this week, BUT I can see the appropriateness of this  quote for our journeys as well. Either way, you win. Embrace that!

Off to my heater and meditation time! See you soon,

Amanda 😘

    4 Month Sleeve-Aversary

    So here are the stats:

    • HW: 240
    • SW: 230.8 (-9.2)
    • Month 1 (-22)
    • Month 2: (-9.6)
    • Month 3: (-9.2)
    • Month 4: (-7.6)
    • CW: 182.4 (total loss -57.6) 
    • Inches: 
    27.75 Inches…Buu-Bye!

    I am pretty happy about my progress. Surprised about my loss this month, I thought it would be a few pounds more. My other app says -9 lbs down this month, so I am thinking I’m off in the math somewhere in the early months.  But the total is still the same. Next month I won’t have to whip out the calculator since Im using the My Weight app now.  I am THRILLED with the inch loss though. Funny, I finally lost some in my waist! This big ‘ol belly does not want to budge though, does it? 

    I do know I probably had one of the worst months of all in terms of sticking to plan. With the Holidays and making it a point to see my friends more, I know I did not eat as well as I should have. That’s not to say I went nuts, obviously not, but I could have easily slid back into old habits so I’m thankful I at least kept a hold on that. And I’m ‘back on the wagon’ so to speak in terms of nutrition.

    I’ve been diligent about getting my fluids in these last few days to try and abate some of this hunger. It’s helping a little. I was over at a girlfriends house last night and she had this pitcher of water with sliced lemon, lime, and orange floating at the top. Not only was it gorgeous but it was so refreshing! Needless to say I went out and bought the fruit today and sliced it up in a water pitcher. I could drink water like that all day long! If you’re having trouble with your water intake, I highly recommend giving this a try.  

    Seems I am holding a steady pattern of about 9 pounds a month. Hoping for 12-15 this month though. I’m upping my running training and incorporating core and strength more so I don’t see that jump as unreasonable. I’ve got Vegas coming up people- it would be awesome to be in the 160’s by then. 

    So that’s my 4 month update, y’all!  😘

      The Impossible 

      Hello! Hope everyone is enjoying a great weekend and have a day full of possibilities on this Sunday!  I like to wake up extra early on Sundays before the rest of the house, just so I can reflect and enjoy the quiet before church. 

      I have to be in Vegas the Sunday after my birthday in March. So my husband I are going to fly in early together and make it a weekend getaway-which we haven’t had in eons. I’m so very excited! Work and my mom (she booked us a suite off the strip as my present) made it possible for us to do this. I’m so thankful! And did I mention excited? The one and only time I’ve been to Vegas I saw the inside of a convention center and then got the flu and spent, what was supposed to be a great weekend with my friends, instead on a mattress in a hotel room with 102+ fever. Blech! 

      So I found this amazing dress online that I thought would be PERFECT for the first night on the town, in which we have already booked a night club tour.  (Which in itself is totally crazy to me because my husband is SO not a nightcluber!). I like to dance so I love them.  This is THE perfect dress! 

       

      Isn’t this just gorgeous?!
       
      I got the dress in the mail yesterday (so love Amazon) and tried it on last night.  It doesn’t quite fit. (Wha wha whaaam)

      I was anticipating that it maybe wouldn’t fit now, maybe it would be a little too tight, but maybe by March it would be perfect.  I was able to wiggle it up my body but there was no way it was coming close to zipping up.  And I don’t know if another 25 lbs loss will be enough. Then I really got to thinking…25lbs?! Impossible!

      When I started this journey I could not fathom the possibility that I would ever make it to goal weight. “100 lbs is never going to happen”. Not because I didn’t think I’d be successful, I totally thought/think I will be-I just couldn’t really conceive that 100lbs was…well, real.  All of the diets and working out before never got me anywhere but 20lbs maybe…and of course I would gain it back+.  It’s just a surreal thought that 100lbs was/is even a realistic possibility.  And even looking backwards on this last 4 1/2 months, -55 lbs is still like, “impossible” yet it IS real. So you would think that I could conceive of 25 more lbs easy, right? I’m staying on plan, working out and diligent about my training, yet I still feel like I’m lying to myself that another 25lbs is possible. Let alone by March!  Impossible. 

      Why am I so programmed to think this way? Do/did anyone feel this way-like a healthier, slimmer you was even possible? “Of course it can happen, but how can that be possible?”  A contridiction of the thought patterns, for sure, but I can’t be the only one…right? <crickets>

      Eyes on goal. That’s what I even said to a fellow blogger-just last night! I see the goal, but see a mountain in front of it that I just don’t have the experience needed to climb.  I am training for this climb. Eating, running, strength training… But apparently my brain hasn’t got the memo that I am already climbing this mountain. It seems as if I have some serious brain-speaking to do, and do it every day. 

      It’s not impossible. It’s real and it IS possible.  And I’m doing it! Now.

      My greatest point here is that physical changes are a side effect. Great ones. But the real mountain I think is the mental aspect of this journey. We all talk about that we can hardly recognize ourselves in the mirror, our skinny shadows, or are blown away by before and now pictures. Me included. And I wonder why each of us are so surprised by these things. We’re fighting for it every day! We are conquering what we thought was impossible. We need to fight with our minds too. We are winning and it’s time for our thoughts to catch up. 

      It’s not impossible. Oh the possibilities when I truly live that mentality and it’s not a pep talk anymore….