Inbody

So I’m back at Crossfit. Have been for about a month. I go 4x-5x week and I have personal programming this time-no group Wod for me unless I’m doing a partner wod with my husband on Saturdays. 

So why did I join back up to do something I have admittedly hated doing in the past? Well, a few reasons. One, it works. Two, and probably the biggest reason: my husband and I, after almost 17 years of marriage, have never shared a hobby.  And while this isn’t a “hobby” really, it’s a thing. A thing we’re both doing-maybe not together everyday but sometimes, we’re both doing it and have something to share and talk about and progress with together.  That’s a big deal to both of us. Three, I need discipline. Running alone had waned off for me and I just wasn’t doing any kind of exercise for a few months. Nobody was pushing me to do it either. And here I’m watching my husband kick his ass at CrossFit every day -while I’m over here gaining 10lbs for the holidays- and I’m like, I have to do something! And quick!

Sooooo, speaking of that 10lbs…. I’ve been avoiding the scale for months-which is crazy because I was so obsessed with it for a year-and just seeing that number on the inbody today was like reality check! Crap crap crap! 10lbs… I could kick my own ass for this… 

The inbody showed my BMI was at 29% though, which considering I was at 49% a little over a year ago is still something to be celebrated. I’m at 38% body fat so definitely want to get that number down. 

I need to lose another 35lbs. Which was right in line with goal weight to begin with. So right after Christmas (I must have some of moms potato soup on Christmas Day) I am back on post-op diet. No more carbs. Lots less sugars. Lot more water. Protein protein protein!

Speaking of protein, have you tried Juice Plus shakes? So so good! Mix in some Greek yogurt (which I loathe otherwise) and it’s a protein-packed meal right there. 

Updates a comin’ as I jump back on the wagon! Missed y’all!

  

Bu-Bye Crossfit

So I did Crossfit for about a year and a half before I had surgery. I absolutely despised it the entire time. Quite honestly I think the only reason I did it at all was because it was something my husband and I did together. 

We’re talking anxiety attacks and yes, sobbing, on the way to the box almost every time. Many times I cried during Crossfit too. I thought it had to be my weight and because I was trying to sling around 240 lbs that’s why it made me so miserable. 

So I thought/hoped that maybe now it might not be bad-that because I’ve lost all of this weight it wouldn’t just totally suck anymore. Plus it was still something my husband and I could do together. He doesn’t run at all so it’s not like that was an option. So I (thank God) IM’d the Crossfit coach and was straight with him. Said I was anxious about coming back and signing a contract, only to realize I still f’g hated it. So he told me I could just do a punch card first and then at the end of the month see what’s up. Ok, I can handle that…

So I went April 1st. Dreaded it the whole day. Hated everything about it while I was doing it and my outlook was grim after I was finished. Crap. 

I need to add something more to my exercise than just running and yoga-but I’m really not disciplined to do strength trianing from an app or Pinterest–what in the world was I going to do?

One golden nugget fell into my lap as we waited for the Crossfit class to begin that night. One of the ladies was talking about how she had done this and that and everything was just too Boring for her. Then I heard her mention ‘the kickboxing gym in (my town)’. I think I knocked someone over as I reeled around with great interest in finding out more about this kickboxing gym. Here? We have a real kickboxing gym close by? Apparently we do. And I was vera, vera excited about that!! I did real kickboxing in late Highschool and loved it. Then we moved to GA after I graduated and I have just never found one that was the real deal anywhere near me so didn’t get back into it. So of course the next opportunity I got I stopped into said gym. They do kickboxing, muiy tai (sp?) kickboxing, boxing and Crossfit. You’re not limited to days you can go or which activity – you can do CF then walk right over and do the kickboxing class then stay for open gym, 6 days a week! And it’s only $20 more a month! 

I took my first class to make sure they were the real deal – no gi and lots of sweat. I swiped my card right after class was over. And every time I go I am so excited and pumped to get there and do it. This is what I needed- this is not only motivation, but a hella workout and the best one-on-one personal trianing I’ve ever seen. I am in love! So running-check. Yoga-check. Now kickboxing-check! So freaking excited! I’m bruised and blistered and starting to get a little calloused, and I’m sore like I should be using all of these muscles in new ways so I know the results are sure to come. 

Moral of the story – find the workouts that get you jazzed. Don’t fit yourself into a box that you think you should be in to get a workout in. 

On the running front, I am making HUGE progress. 6 months ago I was running a 16:30 average mile. Now I’m doing under 13! I’m almost there to goal – May 21 is the Big Day–the 1st goal race. Running the entire race without stopping to walk at all. I’m close. So close. Getting better every time. Still not getting over 10 miles a week like I want to but I’m getting 8-9 miles… Not too far off. I don’t get nervous before a run anymore. I’m not interval trianing anymore either. Just the MMR app that tells me pace and distance as I go and then logs it in my history. 

Yoga in the mornings, running in the afternoon (as many days as work allows) and kickboxing in the evening (as many days as kid’s sports allow). Here I come healthy!! 

My 7 month sleevaversary is Saturday. Husband has a Warrior Dash obstacle race the afternoon and then I have a 5k that night so I think Sunday we’ll do measurements. Let’s see where I’m at…  

Xoxo

Self Actualization 

“The desire for self-fulfillment, namely the tendency for her to become actualized in what she is potentially”

I met up with an old friend today in the grocery store. Such a beautiful soul and I really miss her dearly. It was wonderful to see her, but I had so much noise going on in my head I didn’t get to really enjoy seeing her again. I was mortified to have her see me. It’s been awhile – about 40#s ago. I was mortified then too. Not that she’s ever known me to be less that in the 190’s, but still. Not that she is even remotely the judgy type either- quite the contrary. But it really made me think about the literal cold sweat I broke into when we saw each other and continued to talk for a bit. 

It really hadn’t dawned on me that I have become a social hermit-so NOT my personality type-because I am truly embarrassed to be seen.  

I agonize over the clothes I’m going to wear- what will be most flattering?- and worry that my weight is speaking louder than I am.  When I meet my husband’s work folks and just know they must be thinking he’s with her?  I worry my kids friends will make fun of them because their mom is so fat.  

The worst is in the gym. I have dialogues with myself on the way to CrossFit every time.  Can I get through today’s WOD without modifying everything? Will I cry trying to push through it tonight-again?  Will I fail?

Total mind fuck is what it is. 

Wtf. Is this what I have let myself become? Since when did my self esteem get so shitty that it is controlling my social interactions with people?  I’m so disappointed in myself as I see this reflection of what I have been doing to myself for a long time. 

It brings me to this concept of self actualization. This basic human need to feel like we meet our potential. If I had doubts about my decision for WLS at all, they were thrown out of the window tonight. I need to meet my potential.  Obviously for mental and emotional health as much as physical health.  

I am so much more determined than excited now. This shit just got really real for me tonight. No way am I letting my weight keep me from life anymore.  

So no more hiding in the ‘demands of my school work’ or whatever other excuses I make to keep myself “safe” from the monsters I make up in my own head. 

Time for my own self actualization. 

“Don’t look back, you’re not going that way.”

BRING. IT. ON.