My personal mantras as of now, thought I’d share:
- You’re not hungry, you’re thirsty.
- You’re not hungry, you’re bored.
- I want those carbs! Eat a protein.
- I want those sweets! Drink a protein shake or eat a Popsicle.
- I want a nap! Go run 3 miles.
- Get on the scale! Fuck the scale.
Seriously I am placing post-it notes with these everywhere so I can see them!
It’s 8:30p and I just want to go to bed. That’s me in a nutshell for the last week. Motivation? What’s that? Oh, and food? Gimme!
Yes, my upped-dose meds have kicked in and buddy, it’s a big damn difference. And I am not liking it not one single bit. Not happening. Not going down like this. Done.
I officially dropped my meds back down last night. It will take a week or two to get back to where I was, unfortunately. The hope is that the manic goes out the window with the rest.
I haven’t gained any weight – which truth be told is a miracle because I am constantly starving. Trying to stuff my face with protein and fruit, but I promise I’m only winning half of that battle. I have run or KB all week. Oh I’ve gotten ready, dressed-hair up-but nope. Started a couple of times then just stopped. I don’t have it IN me. So hard to explain. It’s like you’re a walking zombie who’s hungry all of the time.
I was afraid of this exactly. And like I told my BFF tonight-my gut instinct has never, ever been wrong. Proven over and over again, it never fails to be right. Why didn’t I listen this time? I should never have done this. But I thought, it’s for the greater good! Bullshit. I’m still in manic- only now I’m also a cast member for the Walking Dead – with peanut butter on a spoon in my hand!
170. A number I have begun to LOATHE with all that is in me.
Every. Single. Morning. 170 stares back up at me from the digits on my scale monitor. What are we on, like 2 months now?!
I happened to break it ONE day to 169.6 – I was elated! Literally danced around my bathroom like I just won the Power 5 or something. Yes, I finally broke the 170’s!!! It lasted only that day. The next day I was 170.2 or some shit like that. Again.
I’m elated that it’s not going up, for certain. But my body IS shifting itself around–weight is re-distributing itself WVERYWHERE. As an example, I find the top of my “back fat” is gone now but then I have a complete spare tire above my belly button now. It’s so weird. I don’t feel like I’m losing inches this month- I’m still in a perfect size 12. Not getting any looser or tighter. Just comfortable. Still in a medium top…I just want to lose 25 more pounds. 25! And I’m working so HARD!
So I post this to whine, for sure, but to also show my fellow VSG-ers, stalls are very real. You WILL have them. And while they can be very discouraging, we (including me) MUST remember that we just have to keep rockin’ n Rollin’. Our bodies will get there, maybe just not as fast as our minds want them to.
In the mean time, 170 can take a back seat to the 160’s – please and thank you.