All things being equal…


A very personal post tonight, a glimpse into my family life…

Today was a day full of challenges, for sure. And they weigh heavy on my heart tonight and for a long time to come, I’m sure. 

Parenting is not a cake walk, never thought it would be or should be.  But there are times, many times when you wonder if you’re doing everything right by your kids.  Ever feel like your feet are dangling, and then you don’t know that when you put your feet on the ground what direction to you’re to take?

I have three amazing little people I brought into this world. Each one is so very different, and in many ways we parent each to their own individual personality. Yes there are standard principals and rules and consequences and morals we apply evenly through the home, but each child is guided based on their individual needs. Not all things are equal in this house. And right now, I’m struggling with that with regard to the challenges we currently face. 

I had a parent teacher conference with ALL of my son’s teachers today. I was mortified by the fact that I actually started crying. Yes, during the conference.  Dammit! Now, it’s not like what they were saying was incredibly horrible, at all.  It’s because he has a problem and I, as a parent, was not sure in those moments in front of these people, how I was going to help him.  Hence, the waterworks. 

Now I understand this is a controversial subject. I’m not here to debate it, I was a cynic myself until I had children.  I see value and shortcomings in ALL of the arguments on this subject-even my own take on it.  Be that as it may…

All three of my kids-each one with very very different learning abilities-have their father’s genetics of having ADD.  Behavior has never been an issue for any of them.  My son might be a bit hyperactive, but it’s more related to his self control abilities and not disciplinary behavior issues.  He’s a good kid and the teachers reaffirmed that to me today.  He’s respectful, polite, compassionate… and brilliant. I don’t say that beilliant part because I’m his mom, trust me-but my daughters, me, my husband-all of us are in a totally different ball field than him when it comes to his brain.

The reason for my heavy heart tonight is not because of his problem, per se, but because of the measures my husband and I are taking to hopefully alleviate some of the contributors to his problem in an effort to help him take control (sans medication). Special diet, chiropractic care, and quite possibly home school so he can control the environment he so desperately needs to control…(that’s him – not us or the teachers, it is actually his number one issue). I’ll save you the details because it would take a page or 5 to describe my sons personality and inner workings. That’s not the point tonight really. 

The point is however, that we (my husband and I) have been thinking in a tunnel I think. We’re only focusing on one child right now, when all three battle with the same affliction. Homeschool is not an option for my oldest – would not be beneficial to her at all. My youngest, that remains to be seen as of yet. We’ll have to cross that bridge soon though I’m pretty sure. She needs the live, hands on approach. But that’s not here or there for this post.  But…

What about the diet changes and chiropractic care? We didn’t even talk about that for my daughters. Why? Why are we not talking about those things for them too?! They each require very different ‘treatment’ options- they are not the same and this cannot be equal. But drastically changing their diet and taking them to a chiropractor renowned for improving the afflictions of ADD-those are just basic home-grown medicines we can give to all three of them to help, right?  To minimize the battle they fight every day in school as much as we can-so they can learn better in school. We can make these changes throughout the household easily, expense ignored.  And see if it actually does help one or all three of them. It can’t hurt to try for all of their sakes, surely… This one can be created equal in this house.  Will it help, I don’t know. My son will/does give 100% honing in on himself to take ADD by the balls without medication, which he vehemently opposes and we respect that (he is 13 and has a mind to determine that for himself). But what about my girls? My oldest has tried the no-medication route and it is not for her. My youngest is in the midst of evaluation so we dont know if that’s a tool for her yet. 

So I think that this has to be equal in this house- the diet and chiropractic care. Maybe the girls can be medication-free too, who knows. That would be like diamonds falling from the sky if that were the case. I don’t like medication for my children. But suffering from my own affliction (bi-polar) and seeing the positive change in my life because of medication, I can’t discard the value in that for my kids own afflictions either. It’s a very tight rope we walk on the subject. And one we take very seriously. 
All things in life are not created equal. Parenting is no different. 

But this one, this one might help all of them. 

Advise is welcomed, especially with regard to homeschooling in which I have just begun researching. Bashing is not, so I thank you for not doing it here. 

And thanks for the ear tonight…


Objectives Overwhelmed

Ok, so there are so many pros to making goals and lists. They are necessary and help keep you focused. I live by lists – I even have  a very specific symbol system in place–deltas, astrisks, bullets, arrows, circles — you get the picture. 

I am hyper-focused this New Year and I am determined to get several things accomplished. Oddly enough, only one of these goals relates to weight loss. Well two-weekly food planning and daily fitness routines. But that’s an everyday task goal not necessarily a long-term goal on the list. Yes I’m present in my journey, but it’s separate from what I’m talking about here

So what’s the problem? Well, let me make a list… Kidding. Sort-of… 

My long-term goals require quite a bit of preparation, planning, researching, and data input to kick them off. So those objectives are in the 3-month goal category. And the the tasks to meet those objectives are broken down and prioritized into the next 12 or so weeks. These tasks must be completed for any single goal to work and get me to my long-term achievement.  They are, on their own, the launch pads for the bigger goals if you will.  For example, one goal is overhauling my finances and building a realistic budget to live by… The prep work has to be compiled and put into a budget plan before we can follow it.   That was example A, but I have like A through E in the 3 month goal category that will lay the path for 1 year and 3 year goals.  All of these on my list are important to my family. They will change everything about the way we live now and prepare for what’s to come. I’ve been praying about it hard for months and God has placed it on my heart to take action. I’m listening and getting to work. 

Annnnd, with my final stretch of grad school in full effect for the next 4 weeks, work changes and challenges hitting, oh yeah and life happening…I find myself a bit daunted by the sheer volume of work that needs to be done before the end of March. Taking it one day and one week at a time to stay focused and trying not to think of all of the tasks on the full list at once. But I’m looking to the future and it’s hard not to think about the things that need to be done now and not feel a wee overwhelmed. 

Overwhelmed has previously led me straight to the cupboards for munchies. I swear I needed munchies while I did homework and research papers and that has been cold turkey cut out since surgery. But the itch still exists – I just overcome it with water and pep-talks. Lots of pep talks that usually go something like this, “$14k. $14k! A better workout tomorrow. A healthier you. Don’t get up and graze the kitchen! Just don’t” 9x out of 10 I win. But not every time. And then guilt plagues. Stress and guilt – a recipe for depression. And, as the scale indicates, a recipe for stalls. 

Taking a step aside from WLS, any advice from my fellows to tackle the overwhelmed compulsive eater? Or even the goals and tasks process?  Much appreciated…