There are so many things I am thankful for right now, I’m not even sure I could list them all here. It all sums up to God Is Good and I am humbled by His love!
I wanted to take a moment to say thank you to all of you who get me through the ups and downs of my journey and who care enough to cheer me on and keep me accountable. And who’s journeys inspire me on a daily basis.
You. Are. Amazing!
Im so glad I started this blog and thank each of you for being my friend in this place!
So Happy Thanksgiving, may your day be filled with love and laughter (and maybe a bite or two of indulgence)!
At least, that’s what I said this morning when I jumped on the scale! 7 lbs?! In one day?! Is that even possible? I mean I’ve dropped 3 lbs a day for 4 consecutive days before (post surgery)… I’ve been holding steady at 198 for several days…. But 7lbs?!
Through the moon! Let me tell you I was one happy chick running around my house-singing, dancing, la-la-la-la-laaaaaaaa!
My husband called me about 20 minutes into my reverie to inform me that our scale must be broken as he could not have lost 6 lbs over-night.
*rip heart out HERE*
Now me, I could have believed that was maybe, albeit rare, a possibility because of the surgery. But him-and both of us at the same time?
Needless to say I’ll be making a trek back to Kohl’s very soon to switch that puppy out! Makes me wonder though- how long has it been broke? What do I really weigh? Am I truly in one-derland? What if Im actually further along than I thought and have caused myself a lot of unecessary anxt because of a broken scale?
Which brings me to the point to myself. One that’s been driven home to me by so many of you time and again over the last couple of months…Time to stop relying so heavily on the scale. It could very well have been lying to me all of this time. Maybe not, but that’s really not the issue. So I’m not going to go out and replace this scale tonight. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe during Black Friday shopping. Or maybe this weekend…
Can I really turn it into “un-holy scale”? That will be the test….
In 2013 and 2014 I was working like a dog to lose weight. I was doing Crossfit 3x week, Paleo, Zone, you name it I was working at it. Although I saw changes in my body to a certain degree I never, ever broke 200lbs. I stayed right at it, but never could beak through on that scale.
So now I am at 198.2. Super excited to see that number (even though this month is barely ticking along with the losses) I can’t tell you the last time I was in the 100’s at all! Yessss! And I’m wearing a Large now instead of XL!!!
It may be illogical, irrational, and just plain stupid, but I have a very real fear. And can’t seem to shake the anxiety. I almost hate to blog about it…
As hard as I’m working and as close as I’m following the plan, I can’t stop my brain from worrying.
What if I don’t lose anymore?
Ok I know, I know, it’s a journey and it will come off, it is inevitable if I keep following the plan. But I am not going to feel some relief of this (ridiculous) fear of mine until I hit the 180’s I think…then I think I may finally believe this is really happening…
What were some of your fears at the top of this journey-or that you’re facing right now? I’d love to hear…
For shame on me! I have eaten so awful today! I’ve been so incredibly stressed and overwhelmed at work- I love my job but training is a year long for a reason! Anyway I broke down and cried twice today.
Uh, yeah…um, back to the food part. Well I kicked off the day bea-u-tifuly – I finally got through my whole circuit of C25k training early this morning. I pushed hard and got through it, even though it was my second attempt. I did it and was seriously doing the happy dance (after I could breathe again of course). That’s where my success for the day (on all accounts, but we’ll stick to the food) ended.
First of all I let myself get starved because of my very busy schedule today. Half protein shake, run, water, half hour later, rest of protein shake. Then nada for like 5 hours. I had to run an errand today and was absolutely ready to eat a horse by the time I was finished. And like a beacon –I see the Golden Arches. And who the hell’s idea was it to serve breakfast all day anyway? Yes. I ate half a bacon egg and cheese biscuit.
I’m not done.
So that was the last time I ate and it was like 2 o’clock. Fast forward to 8 o’clock and I’ve been so busy I haven’t eaten or drank a bite. I don’t think my ass left my office chair at all…There was no way I was cooking for the family tonight-no way I could– I had school work still yet to do after I finally called work quits at 7. So I ordered pizza for them. For them.
Annnnnd…I come out of my office to sign for the pizza and can NOT stop myself-I ate a tiny piece of pepperoni and bacon pizza. I was so freaking hungry and will power after all the crying and stress of today…yeah…it was a goners.
Ok. So dust off the weakness, strive not to do it again, and start over tomorrow. It’s all I can do.
Today marks exactly 2 months to the day from surgery. I have mixed emotions about that because I am not where I’d thought I’d be at this milestone, but overall am proud of the progress I’ve made so far.
I’m down a total of 30.8 lbs. I just literally broke the 200’s – but barely. I know the doctor said I’m progressing just fine but I have put it a LOT of effort here with running and eating and just though I’d be closer to the 40 lbs+ milestone right now.
Which speaking of food- I’m getting so bored with my diet. I am going to have to really start delving into some recipes to get some variety soon, or trigger foods are soon to become a real problem. I do well avoiding the kids after-school snacks but they are looking more and more enticing as the days of baked chicken, hamburger patties, and protein shakes consist of my daily diet. I did make a chicken and white bean chili tonight that is less spicy than the last batch I made-which was so good but my pouch can not handle anything with a semblance of spice yet-not even salsa for eggs. Hope it’s a yummy change that I can handle. Fingers crossed…
I’m a bit ambivalent these last weeks about my journey so far. Not in a bad way- I feel like if I focus less on the scale I am less stressed about the progress I am (not)/making and I can focus on the daily activity and routine of my food and diet. Plus, I’m just sort of tired of worrying right now-it’s taking away from some of the real progress am making on a daily basis. That’s not to say I am not. I’m still thinking about it, just not obsessing about it. I hope that makes sense.
Enough about WLS for right now. Some life and NSV wins
I’m killing it at work. Just started this job in May-my dream job/company- and I am kicking ass. Hope this trend continues as my client load becomes more complex in 2016.
I found some workout skorts I love to workout in on clearance for $5 each and was able to get a Large! Not XL- large. And they fit well!
My old company is paying me premium to come in for two days this week and week after Thanksgiving to do some things I’m the only one who could do-which is really much needed cash.
I’ve been killing it at C25k training and additional running training. Very proud of myself and the progress I’ve made. My goal is to run 3.5 mikes without stopping by my birthday and like an omen found one 5k race the day after in my town.
Husband notices BIG differences in my body. Happy!
Did I mention I only have 9 papers (not counting assignments) until I’m done with school forever?!
Relationships in my life are becoming more rich and I am able to reciprocate more than I ever have been able to (time management issues in the past).
I’m trying to dedicate more time to everyone’s blogs and stories because I really love this WordPress community and want to know others victories. I’m sorry I’ve been behind and promise to be more present going forward. I think about you all many times a day and wonder how each of you are doing. Just haven’t been able to catch up on my emails. So sorry my responses will be delayed but I am reading and catching up over the next couple days. You all are so inspirational and just wonderful people- I’m so thankful to share your friendships.
First, I have a correction to make. It seems that my husband and I took my measurements wrong the first time we did them (after the personal trainer did them the day before surgery). So we did them again yesterday, correctly, and here are my actual inch changes since surgery:
Again, this is the My Body app on iPhone. So easy-love it. Anyway…
Lots to talk about today. Did my 5k under the Christmas Lights last night and really killed it. I was SO proud of myself after this race! It took my son and I over 7 minutes to get past the WALL of people walking and the strollers. Why we decided to start in the last corral…well, it was a big mistake. I don’t know if I ever want to do a race that big again-over 1500 racers. But once we broke through, it wasn’t too bad passing people throughout the race. The last mile was almost completely up-hill. My son made me long-stride run that dang last mile though, let me tell you. And I DID (most of it)!!! With all of that nonsense in the beginning our time was still 46:41. I think that could have honestly been 43-something had it not been for the wall of slog. See, a lot of people just walk this race to see the Christmas Lights-which is why those smart people start in the last corral and why we shouldn’t have. It was a really pretty race to run though, I’ll have to admit. The Lights really were amazing and put me in the Holiday spirit. And I beat my time by almost 4 minutes from last weekend, so go me!
So my crazy self decided it would be fun to run another 5k at the park with my very good girlfriend who is training for a half ironman in June. Boy runningef today was hard and I think I power walked more than I jogged, but I still got 47:17, so still better than last weekend. (I clearly didn’t push myself at all last weekend…).
I’m so sore I can barely move this evening. It’s a good sore though-I know I really worked it this last week and weekend.
I broke into one-derland today!!! Woo-hoo! 199.2 baby! Excited to what the morning scale will say…so glad to finally be here I cannot describe.
My daughter and I did our glow-in-the-dark 5k tonight. My best friend too, but not sure she would want her picture plastered here, lol. None of the post-race pictures came out very clear because it was dark, of course but this was us pre-race before we put on our glow-stick garb.
So it’s been raining like crazy here this week and it was a huge mud puddle everywhere (slowed us down a bit) but we got lucky and didn’t get rained on during the race like we were expecting.
Not thrilled with my time (49:39) -actually pretty surprised by it-but feeling really good after the race. Probably could have pushed myself a bit harder than I did. I was a little thrown off watching my feet the whole time because it was dark and there was mud and leaves everywhere, but I should have pushed myself to run more than I did. So next weekend’s race is a serious goal for a certain time window for me. My son will be racing with me next weekend and I’m sure he will push me to run a lot more-if he even stays with me, hahaha. (He’ll probably leave me in the dust). My daughter was great tonight too-she decided to do the c25k app then she stayed with me the rest of the race and really cheered me on.
Update on my doctor visit yesterday-And I only had to wait 10 minutes to be seen! Win! I met with the nutritionist/fitness physiologist. He told me I’m doing everything right, that I could keep my carbs down a little more- but other than that was losing at exactly the pace/amount expected for my starting surgery weight. He said I should probably start seeing the scale start moving again in a month. A month?! He said based on my measurement losses that I’m building lean muscle mass and it’s counter-acting the fat loses from a scale point of view. That my BMI was probably going down. It was great to hear all of that from him though. So, just have to keep trucking along like I am. 😜
Great week all in all! Crazy Sunday ahead of me! So, ‘night my wonderful WLS family!
Happy Friday! It’s not Friday, but it’s my Friday today!!! Yay! I have had such a busy but productive week that it feels like Friday anyway! Plus I’m off tomorrow… Hee hee! 😬
So I got to thinking the other day…I’m going to graduate soon! And I got an inkling in my brain “should I throw a party in celebration?” So I did what most would do and I asked my best friend… She said Hell Yes! And then she mentioned something that hadn’t even occurred to me- graduation announcements!
I have been scouring venues for a party and graduation annnounent invitations ever since. I’m so excited! I think I have found the perfect invitation announcement, venue is a little bit iffy still though. The place I really want to have it does not book reservations or private parties on Friday or Saturday nights. Weeknight parties are a no-go with my invite list. Totally bummed about that so the hunt is still on. I’ve made my invite list and everything so I can begin collecting addresses. Adam cracked me up by asking “don’t you just do an online announcement invitation?” I’m like, No not for this, du-uh! lol!
But it’s like, it really has sunk in that I’m going to be done with school. Soon. I’ve been in school for over 4 years folks. This is freaking awesome! And there’s a party in my near future. Wooooooo-hooooo on all counts!
Saturday is my glow-in-the-dark 5k race. My daughter, best friend, and more friends are doing it too. It’s going to be a fun night! What will I wear…👟👟
So I finally broke down today after a talk I had with a friend and made an appointment with my doctor’s office for Friday. I had already taken the day off so I was glad to get in. I asked to only see the nutritionist this time, so maybe they will actually see me in less than a 30 minute wait. I refuse to be there more than two hours waiting to be called again! If that happens I can assure you I’m hunting a new doctor that is more respectful of my time. Will update on that.
I’ve been logging everything that goes into my mouth via MFP and maintaining my nutrient ratios and calorie intake. Some days I’m a little over on carbs, but not by too much. It mostly stems from fruit or my indulgence of cream of wheat some days. Hey it’s packed with iron! I seem to be right around 80g average a day on the protein.
Once again I’m stalled. Which is having its effects on my motivation. Annnnd I’ll just leave that topic there, because there’s no point in whining about my frustrations with this 2+ week stall – again.
I’m spending a good deal of time reflecting on the things that I am thankful for this month. I know a lot of people like to take the month of November and do this. I think it’s a good thing, and I started a couple of years ago.
Geez, I think about where I was a little over a year ago and am just blown away that I’m in the place that I am today. My marriage has flipped upside-down (in the best way), I finally took the leap and started a new career that I specifically wanted and managed to land, I’m almost done with my Master’s degree, I took this great big step for my health with VSG, and my relationship with God continues to grow every day. It’s AMAZING how things can look so bleak one day and then be golden the very next. Well, maybe not the next day, but all of the dramatic changes in my life are still so fresh and mind-blowing.
So, I’m just going to revel in my happiness and thankfulness this month and try not to worry about the scale.
Sharing my story openly and honestly about living, surviving and thriving with Bipolar 1 Disorder and PTSD to increase awareness, educate, reduce stigma, prevent suicide, inspire, give hope and let God's love shine through me and touch you...