“Mommy Club”

So this post has nothing to do with VSG. Or weight loss.  This one is about not fitting in, and has nothing to do with being overweight. Just me I guess. And just a musing rant of a post. 

If you’re a parent this may make more sense to you…not sure. 

First let me say that I know I am a good mom. And my husband is a great father. And we couldn’t be more proud of the little people who are growing up in our house, humble, confident, driven, kind…

But let me try to explain the mommy club. It’s a real thing folks, I assure you, but it’s subtle-more of an undercurrent of the social acceptance of another layer of life’s facets, so to speak. I don’t write as eloquintly as Cameron, but I hope to bring my heart to this post, nonetheless. 

I have 3 kids ranging from 10-14.  Over the years they have been involved in all sorts of extracurricular activities with sports and dramatic arts and academia clubs, etc.  Complete with team moms, dad coaches, and parent volunteers.  Up until this May I’ve worked a full-time commuter job for all of my life. Let us not forget I’ve also been in school full-time for the last four years, finishing up my undergrad and then jumping into grad school right after. Adam works full time and also runs our small farm.  It’s been all we can do to get our kids to and from practices, games, parades, an the many add- on activities of a suburban community that’s painstakingly focused on youth sporting activities, on time.  Volunteer? With what time available exactly?  I’d love nothing more to be volunteering my time in the church, but cannot commit to anything but one-off events and have even been so bold as to be doing mission work in the DR for a week in April next year. (More to come on that later).  But at the end of the day we’ve got nothing in the tank. JV wrestling starts next week-which means 4-day week practices until 630 and a workout with the varsity team once a week and mandatory attendance to all varsity events a well as JV events. Oldest is auditioning for another play and if she gets cast again, there’s that, followed right on the heels, spring lacrosse. Get the picture?

I’m not complaining  about any of this, but this is where the not fitting in with the mommy club comes in though…

I get along with all of the moms- we shoot the breeze on those rare occasions I stay at practice and/or dont power walk the whole practice.  I wouldn’t say we’re buddies but we chit chat and laugh about stuff, etc the norm. But there’s always a slight distance that I’ve always just felt.  Like this one (me) is not like the others.  Not a one after all of these years, has invited me and Adam to the get togethers they have often on  weekends after games, where the kids play while the parents grill bear and wine it and generally have fun together.

And it’s not like I think they dislike me or think I’m weird or something. Maybe I just got the category of the ‘uninvolved’ parent?  I’m not uninvolved, but is that the perception?  We’re just going in 3 different directions and there’s only 2 of us.   

It’s a mommy club and I am not up to snuff somehow. It makes me sad a little, especially because I can’t figure out what to do about it. Is it because my kids don’t wear designer clothes? Is it because my kids dont have the right social standing? They aren’t in the ‘cool’ kids circle… Or more likely, it’s just me… Am I too intimidating? (I do have A-type,  contract negotiator presence in my career, but do I project that to others socially?)

I have a crew of adult friends that I’ve been close to and hanging with for 15 years. And a best friend who’s amazeballa (of course) so I am not lacking for really good friends. I just feel the distinction in my kids social circle and it’s weird and makes me feel insecure. 

I wanna be in the ‘mommy club’ too!  It’s just a feeling of not being accepted because I’m perceptively lacking something in the parent category because I can’t volunteer, bake cupcakes, chaperone outings, or be a teacher helper in the classroom. Really makes a girl feel inadequate somehow. 

So, that’s it-my musings for the day.  Hope everyone had an awesome Halloween and was able to avoid the ridiculous influx of candy in the house. (Seriously we probably have 6 lbs-no joke). We’re letting the kids pick out some favorites and donating all of the rest to my cousin who leaves for her mission trip to the Guatemala orphanage on Monday morning.  And they’re happy to do it. 

I may not be socially acceptably involved, but my kids aren’t lacking attention, direction, teachable moments, love, protection, and a fun relationship with their parents. 

I am my own mommy club I suppose. 

-Xoxoxo

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11 thoughts on ““Mommy Club”

  1. A wonderful and heartfelt piece. Well written and thought provoking.
    I too over the years have been left out of many things and am now so used to it that now I am “getting my life back” I am glad to be free of that stuff. I like who I like, spend time with whom I enjoy and am slowly beginning to like me.
    In my honest opinion, you have it all going on and have no need for the sometime fake and the often vacuous groups that align themselves with each other at these children events.
    Be happy with yourself and lets face it, what else matters?
    You sound to me like a level headed and sensible person and that can be the only reason for you not being involved.
    To that end, you DO NOT need it ONE bit!
    Have a great day and if you get time sit down for 5 minutes with a cup of Tea, take a look around, see how much love you have created and give yourself the congratulations you deserve.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! I’m having my tea now, as a matter of fact and reflecting on this rainy morning how good I’ve got it. Learning to be comfortable in my own skin is part of this journey too, I imagine. When I stop caring so much if I fit in it will help me when I get around all of the other moms who may or may not see me for who I am and decide to like me or not. Just have to try and not let it bother me so.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Just playing devil’s advocate here, but it could also have something to do with perception. I’m a busy working Mom too and don’t have time to volunteer for things like other Moms do (and believe me I totally understand that culture and phenomena). I used to feel just like you. I questioned the lack of inclusion a bit and it made me feel odd. I decided to try something – I invited kids/parents to my house as a change and not only did people show, but we had a blast and made new friends. Now I’m not saying this is your situation but what I’m saying is that sometimes we give the impression that we prefer exclusion – and maybe at times in my life I have. Once I demonstrated that I no longer wanted to sit on the sidelines so-to-speak I was welcomed with open arms. Now, if you evaluate the situation and that is not your case and they are just assholes – then screw them. You don’t need that or their stupid parties. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You know, you’re right…I never even thought about that-and after all this time! What a duh moment in my part! No almost all of them are pretty nice people -no assholes I can think of. I’m going to try that tactic for sure! Thanks girl!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I am in the same situation as you Amanda. We live about 20-30 minutes outside of the town where my kids go to school. This is also the district where I work. My boys are involved in cross country, track, band, football, archery, power lifting, etc. practices are 5 days a week until 6 pm. And next semester it will go until almost 7pm. Honestly, after taking care of all they have to do… and all that has to be done around the house… My husband and I are just worn out! I think that’s the way my parents were too. As we got into different activities, my parents became all about us. They stopped going to “Bridge Club” and different activities because hey were swamped with 5 kids. But NOW… They are social butterflies!
    I’m totally ok being a mom and focused on my kids. My boys will dash away to college in two to four years and then I’ll be “free” to flit around and be social. LOL!
    But I agree with Janell… Try making your own gathering. They’ll surprise you! Then they’ll see you in a different light. I’m just too pooped to do much these days!😊

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You’re both right and I’m almost embarrassed to think I never even thought of having them over to MY house…what a dolt I am! Lol. And I’m with you-pooped! And I don’t get up at 430 every morning like you do!! 😜

      Liked by 1 person

  4. When we were in the US, we had my hubby’s 2 boys 1/2 time (one week on, then off). We were as involved as we could be, going to all the sports events etc. It was really hard being a step-mom at events where their bio-mom was (talking trash about us, especially about me) so it was obvious I wouldn’t fit in, although I did try. 🙂 Make your own cool mommy club 🙂 Be your own cool! Don’t change for anyone! (Except for yourself.) xo

    Like

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