So this post has nothing to do with VSG. Or weight loss. This one is about not fitting in, and has nothing to do with being overweight. Just me I guess. And just a musing rant of a post.
If you’re a parent this may make more sense to you…not sure.
First let me say that I know I am a good mom. And my husband is a great father. And we couldn’t be more proud of the little people who are growing up in our house, humble, confident, driven, kind…
But let me try to explain the mommy club. It’s a real thing folks, I assure you, but it’s subtle-more of an undercurrent of the social acceptance of another layer of life’s facets, so to speak. I don’t write as eloquintly as Cameron, but I hope to bring my heart to this post, nonetheless.
I have 3 kids ranging from 10-14. Over the years they have been involved in all sorts of extracurricular activities with sports and dramatic arts and academia clubs, etc. Complete with team moms, dad coaches, and parent volunteers. Up until this May I’ve worked a full-time commuter job for all of my life. Let us not forget I’ve also been in school full-time for the last four years, finishing up my undergrad and then jumping into grad school right after. Adam works full time and also runs our small farm. It’s been all we can do to get our kids to and from practices, games, parades, an the many add- on activities of a suburban community that’s painstakingly focused on youth sporting activities, on time. Volunteer? With what time available exactly? I’d love nothing more to be volunteering my time in the church, but cannot commit to anything but one-off events and have even been so bold as to be doing mission work in the DR for a week in April next year. (More to come on that later). But at the end of the day we’ve got nothing in the tank. JV wrestling starts next week-which means 4-day week practices until 630 and a workout with the varsity team once a week and mandatory attendance to all varsity events a well as JV events. Oldest is auditioning for another play and if she gets cast again, there’s that, followed right on the heels, spring lacrosse. Get the picture?
I’m not complaining about any of this, but this is where the not fitting in with the mommy club comes in though…
I get along with all of the moms- we shoot the breeze on those rare occasions I stay at practice and/or dont power walk the whole practice. I wouldn’t say we’re buddies but we chit chat and laugh about stuff, etc the norm. But there’s always a slight distance that I’ve always just felt. Like this one (me) is not like the others. Not a one after all of these years, has invited me and Adam to the get togethers they have often on weekends after games, where the kids play while the parents grill bear and wine it and generally have fun together.
And it’s not like I think they dislike me or think I’m weird or something. Maybe I just got the category of the ‘uninvolved’ parent? I’m not uninvolved, but is that the perception? We’re just going in 3 different directions and there’s only 2 of us.
It’s a mommy club and I am not up to snuff somehow. It makes me sad a little, especially because I can’t figure out what to do about it. Is it because my kids don’t wear designer clothes? Is it because my kids dont have the right social standing? They aren’t in the ‘cool’ kids circle… Or more likely, it’s just me… Am I too intimidating? (I do have A-type, contract negotiator presence in my career, but do I project that to others socially?)
I have a crew of adult friends that I’ve been close to and hanging with for 15 years. And a best friend who’s amazeballa (of course) so I am not lacking for really good friends. I just feel the distinction in my kids social circle and it’s weird and makes me feel insecure.
I wanna be in the ‘mommy club’ too! It’s just a feeling of not being accepted because I’m perceptively lacking something in the parent category because I can’t volunteer, bake cupcakes, chaperone outings, or be a teacher helper in the classroom. Really makes a girl feel inadequate somehow.
So, that’s it-my musings for the day. Hope everyone had an awesome Halloween and was able to avoid the ridiculous influx of candy in the house. (Seriously we probably have 6 lbs-no joke). We’re letting the kids pick out some favorites and donating all of the rest to my cousin who leaves for her mission trip to the Guatemala orphanage on Monday morning. And they’re happy to do it.
I may not be socially acceptably involved, but my kids aren’t lacking attention, direction, teachable moments, love, protection, and a fun relationship with their parents.
I am my own mommy club I suppose.