“Mommy Club”

So this post has nothing to do with VSG. Or weight loss.  This one is about not fitting in, and has nothing to do with being overweight. Just me I guess. And just a musing rant of a post. 

If you’re a parent this may make more sense to you…not sure. 

First let me say that I know I am a good mom. And my husband is a great father. And we couldn’t be more proud of the little people who are growing up in our house, humble, confident, driven, kind…

But let me try to explain the mommy club. It’s a real thing folks, I assure you, but it’s subtle-more of an undercurrent of the social acceptance of another layer of life’s facets, so to speak. I don’t write as eloquintly as Cameron, but I hope to bring my heart to this post, nonetheless. 

I have 3 kids ranging from 10-14.  Over the years they have been involved in all sorts of extracurricular activities with sports and dramatic arts and academia clubs, etc.  Complete with team moms, dad coaches, and parent volunteers.  Up until this May I’ve worked a full-time commuter job for all of my life. Let us not forget I’ve also been in school full-time for the last four years, finishing up my undergrad and then jumping into grad school right after. Adam works full time and also runs our small farm.  It’s been all we can do to get our kids to and from practices, games, parades, an the many add- on activities of a suburban community that’s painstakingly focused on youth sporting activities, on time.  Volunteer? With what time available exactly?  I’d love nothing more to be volunteering my time in the church, but cannot commit to anything but one-off events and have even been so bold as to be doing mission work in the DR for a week in April next year. (More to come on that later).  But at the end of the day we’ve got nothing in the tank. JV wrestling starts next week-which means 4-day week practices until 630 and a workout with the varsity team once a week and mandatory attendance to all varsity events a well as JV events. Oldest is auditioning for another play and if she gets cast again, there’s that, followed right on the heels, spring lacrosse. Get the picture?

I’m not complaining  about any of this, but this is where the not fitting in with the mommy club comes in though…

I get along with all of the moms- we shoot the breeze on those rare occasions I stay at practice and/or dont power walk the whole practice.  I wouldn’t say we’re buddies but we chit chat and laugh about stuff, etc the norm. But there’s always a slight distance that I’ve always just felt.  Like this one (me) is not like the others.  Not a one after all of these years, has invited me and Adam to the get togethers they have often on  weekends after games, where the kids play while the parents grill bear and wine it and generally have fun together.

And it’s not like I think they dislike me or think I’m weird or something. Maybe I just got the category of the ‘uninvolved’ parent?  I’m not uninvolved, but is that the perception?  We’re just going in 3 different directions and there’s only 2 of us.   

It’s a mommy club and I am not up to snuff somehow. It makes me sad a little, especially because I can’t figure out what to do about it. Is it because my kids don’t wear designer clothes? Is it because my kids dont have the right social standing? They aren’t in the ‘cool’ kids circle… Or more likely, it’s just me… Am I too intimidating? (I do have A-type,  contract negotiator presence in my career, but do I project that to others socially?)

I have a crew of adult friends that I’ve been close to and hanging with for 15 years. And a best friend who’s amazeballa (of course) so I am not lacking for really good friends. I just feel the distinction in my kids social circle and it’s weird and makes me feel insecure. 

I wanna be in the ‘mommy club’ too!  It’s just a feeling of not being accepted because I’m perceptively lacking something in the parent category because I can’t volunteer, bake cupcakes, chaperone outings, or be a teacher helper in the classroom. Really makes a girl feel inadequate somehow. 

So, that’s it-my musings for the day.  Hope everyone had an awesome Halloween and was able to avoid the ridiculous influx of candy in the house. (Seriously we probably have 6 lbs-no joke). We’re letting the kids pick out some favorites and donating all of the rest to my cousin who leaves for her mission trip to the Guatemala orphanage on Monday morning.  And they’re happy to do it. 

I may not be socially acceptably involved, but my kids aren’t lacking attention, direction, teachable moments, love, protection, and a fun relationship with their parents. 

I am my own mommy club I suppose. 

-Xoxoxo

Progression 

Well it’s mid-week and so far I’ve kicked some butt already. I think…

I have been religiously logging everything that goes in my mouth in My Fitness Pal. I probably spent an hour+ going through everything in the app, logging goals, linking my Fitbit, upgrading to Premium… It really has paid off. I am getting a really good idea of what I’m getting in and where I need to adjust. Having this visibility is everything!  Really helping me a lot!  Thanks for all of the advice y’all!

I am hoping I broke the 2 lb yo-yo cycle this morning.  I was down a pound from my lowest log overall, breaking the stall (I truly hope) of a week and a half. I am really hoping this trend continues. Im officially 7 weeks post-op today and am down 25.6 lbs. Not where I thought I would be, I really feel like I should be around 35-40 lbs by now. I just keep telling myself to be more patient. That my skin will be able to keep up better if it comes off slower…. Whatever, just start dropping already! Grrrr…

Sorry, carrying on…

So I started Insanity Max 30 today. Holy Shit!! Annnnd that about covers it! I think I almost died, but I plowed through it. Day-dreaming of the day I can do all of these videos without modifications and can keep up the whole time. Bring it! Now if I can C25k early in the am and then Insanity at lunch time I’ll be in a really good place. Either way, one or both get done each day, so that’s progress. (I finally admitted to my husband I bought the Insanity program. So glad he wasn’t upset about the price tag.  Love his continued support!)

Overall I think my emotions are still pretty low, but not as bad as last week. I am still really frustrated and have to continually talk to myself to not get too low. But I feel like maybe this week I’m on the upper end of being being low-if that makes any sense.  I’m really trying and see that I am doing all of the things I’m supposed to (ok I still need to do better with fluids) but overall I am making a little more progress every day.

Comparing myself to others is hard not to do. I know we as a community talk about this topic a lot, but–we are the only litmus we have for this process.  Progress, wins, failures, tips, advice… That’s exactly what we share with each other in a very intimate way through this blogo-sphere home. So…how do we not compare with one another? I’m so proud of each of us for taking this step-myself included in that-and I want to be in the ‘success’ circle… And so I just need to make sure I am a success. In my daily activities, my eating, my fitness, and my psychological health.  All of it. 

Well, I’m a work in progress…and I’m glad I’m at least progressing. 

-Xoxo

Let’s try again tomorrow

 
What a Monday! It all started when I woke up too late to C25k! Had to take the oldest to pediatrician this morning-which started my workday off late and hence- no break to hit the treadmill at lunch…

So nervous-but grand news-I finished and turned in my final paper for the worlds more horrific class tonight. Hopefully I passed this time (yes, I failed my first attempt by 1.23 points. No, I’m not kidding). Will be nail-biting until I get that final grade later this week.  And TWO-count ’em-TWO classes left before I’m done with formal education forever! Thank you Jesus! (I’ll be thankful until those student loan payments roll in- holy hell…) Now my qualifications match the job I have, so no specific raise to be expected as a result of finishing grad school. *sigh*

So, the moral of the story here is I did not get a workout in today. Boo! 

But I did make a 3-meal crockpot dish tonight and will throw another one on tomorrow so I am set for the week on food. I am determined to get better about logging in My Fitness Pal. I will do great for a couple of days and then stop, then do great, then… So that’s another goal for this week.

I am really looking forward to my 5k in two and three weeks.  I really feel like I’m going to kill it. Planning to run 2:1 intervals for the actual race-not run the C25k app on the phone. Plus- they’re going to be FUN! The one on the 7th is a glow-in-the-dark race and the one on the 14th is a race in Christmas Lights. How fun do those sound, right?  So training is mucho-importante right now for sure! 

So here’s to tomorrow- dust today off the shoulders and get back on the wagon bright and early! 

Have a kick-butt kind of Tuesday y’all! Xoxo

Weekend Whirlwind

My what a weekend! I had planned to get in a C25K training session in either Saturday or Sunday (better yet both?) but that did NOT happen. To that end I planned to clean my house too, but only was able to get half of it done. 

Two lacrosse games right in the middle of both days, running the oldest to and from a drama competition over an hour away, a fundraiser last night and helping my son with a HUGE project- this gal is souped! And no training was squeezed into any of that!  (I probably could have woken up earlier this morning to train but snuggling under the covers seemed like a much more important endeavor…)

I’m looking forward to a very positive week. That scale is going to move, by George!  I have to say my attitude is in the right place!  Seeing those list inches really jazzed me up!  

  
I haven’t been able to plan my week menu yet. This really is a sticking point with me- I really have to figure out what I will be eating everyday or I just don’t eat and we all know that’s not a good plan! So I’m planned through lunch tomorrow and will be planning the rest of my week’s menu then. 

Looking forward to a great week! Hope you all are looking forward to the same! 

See y’all tomorrow! Xoxo

NSV Collection

Top of the morning to y’all! So in light of my down-trodden self about my current stall,  I’ve been collecting some NSV’s to be excited about. 

  • My 16 jeans – that have always been skin tight and I got to where I could not wear them because I was pushing a size 20 – fit perfectly and even have a little bag in the booty.
  • A pair of shorts I couldn’t wear two months ago are super baggy on me now. 
  • My husband and kids are really noticing and saying stuff about my weight loss to date. 
  • I bought a small Fitbit HR on accident early this year and could barely make the last prong to put it on. I am now comfortably on the 3rd from the bottom prong and can place the lip in the strap holder now!
  • I did my C25K training four times this week and killed it!
  • And drumroll please…22.25 inches lost since surgery!

  

I took my measurements the day before surgery. I was over the moon when I saw these numbers this morning! I know I was a bit surprised at the waist but I did it three times so, it’s right. 

Now… To clean this house and get some homework done…happy Sunday everyone! 

    Waiting to drop weight

    So I am starting to get really anxious. I’ve been working out every day and eating clean like I’m supposed to. I lost the 2 lbs I gained but other than that, the weight just isn’t moving. 

    I know everyone experiences stalls but I feel like I’m still too early in the journey to be stalling yet. I’m 6 weeks out as of yesterday (already?!). 

    Anyway- can anyone give me some advice? What am I doing wrong?? I’m only 24 lbs down since surgery!

    Manic Monday 

    What a great day! Ok, so don’t judge by the name of this post-I’m not really manic right now (I don’t think) but I have had a very good and very productive day!

    • I ate my planned foods on time today and took all of my vitamins!
    • Threw dinner for the fam in the crockpot (barely) in time.
    • I did my C25K training-TWICE! Got up at 530a and did it, got a hair up my arse and did it again at 230. And I did 2 more running stretches than the plan called for the second round too.  
    • I ordered my Insanity Max 30 DVDs!
    • Also-got massive (public) kudos from the boss man on my kick-ass performance Q3.  Yay me! 
    • Got all my school work done by 7 so I had time to spend with the family before bed-time!
    • I’m on a mission to get out of debt as soon as possible, so I’m starting a Dave Ramsy book tonight to get me on my way.   

    I gained 2 lbs over the weekend, not sure how that happened. But I’m taking it in stride.

    So all in all- stellar freaking day!  

    How was your Monday?

    Brick Walls

    My mom warned me of this. I really didn’t know truly what she meant until today though. She and two of her sisters had the gastric bypass about 12-15 years ago. She said that when you hit the wall, (they all said it), you have no reserves to pull from after having bariatric surgery. 

      
    Well mama, I hit a damn wall today! And I feel as weak and drained as everything. Ok.  I know I’m not getting enough food every day. It’s lack of preparation on my part and a diligence to make good food choices at the same time. And I haven’t been taking my vitamins. 

    I’ve got to get my sh*t under control. I can’t just keep winging it. This is important. I’m letting too much of my crazy life get in the way of taking time to take care of me.  

    So I’ve hit a literal and physical brick wall. I post this not to shame myself, I know what I’m doing wrong folks. I do. I post this in case others are going through this or to prevent pre-ops from going through this. Be prepared to be prepared, plan, schedule, get all of your calories in from the right foods of course, get your fluids in and take your vitamins! 

    So me and my brick wall are going to bed and hope to take my own damn advice the rest of this week and going forward. 

    -Xoxox

    Coffee Break


    Ok, so anyone who knows me knows I am a coffee junkie. I used to be a pot a day girl-yes I know, boo. But over the last 2 years I had gotten myself down to two, satisfying cups a day. One in the morning and one in the afternoon after I ate lunch.

    Soooooo, post surgery and I hate the stuff. I’ve really tried-just one little cup?-but I just hate the taste now. Believe it or not, this was pretty depressing for me. There is just something about a hot mug of coffee first thing in the morning and I actually felt like something was just missing replacing it with a protein shake.

    So yesterday I discovered black tea pods for the Kuereg on clearance at the grocery store. I thought, hey what the hell I’ll try it. COLOR ME ONE HAPPY GIRL!! I am thrilled. I love them and I can once again warm my soul with a hot beverage in the mornings!!!

    Now I know I know, diuretic and all of that. But this is something that is more than routine for me, it’s soothing for me mentally for whatever reason and I’m really happy I don’t have to give that up too.  Now wine, on the other hand… I’ve given that up under doctor orders, but dont think I don’t miss the hell out of my nightly glass!

    I made a chicken dish in my mini-crockpot last night that was to die for.  It felt so good to be cooking again too. I’m struggling with what to eat everyday, so I will be planning my weekly menu come Sunday’s from now on, inspired by Amanda Turner.

    On a fitness update- I’ve managed to get 2 days on the treadmill this week, not counting this Sunday coming when I plan to hit the outdoors for my workout. Next week I’m shooting for 4 days and back to C25k training. I have two 5Ks in November I’m hoping to run part of. I’ve joined Amanda’s October Fitness Frenzy to get motivated again.  Really enjoying the community!

    Gotta get control of my schedule and food or I’m going to get very down, very soon.

    On the weight loss I’m at 5 weeks post-op (-24 lbs). Not mad at that number at all. I’ve stalled out these past few days, we’ll see. I would be thrilled to see the 200 marker by Nov 1!

    Now, back to work! Xoxo