Sucker punch

So you know how I said I overdid it yesterday? Well today I woke up feeling like I’d been drop-kicked in the stomach and felt that way all day. Not sure what the culprit was yesterday but man did it get me. 

I’m really trying to stay focused on the positive but I am getting discouraged. I don’t think they made my pouch small enough. I did a test tonight with macaroni. I ate almost a whole serving, almost hoping to get sick and prove to myself my pouch is indeed really small. I felt full (finally) but I did not feel sick or get sick. Wtf? I’m able to gulp water down without incident. I swear when I go in for my post-op I want drink that dye and see my pouch because right now I’m worried. I’m hungry, I don’t feel full most meals, and I’m weak and getting cranky. Plus I’m actually up a pound today- likely holding water because I haven’t been drinking enough over the last few days (but today I did).  

I see my fellow sleevers and talk to my girls from pre-op and I feel very different and alone. What if they didn’t cut enough? What if this was all for nothing? Trying not to be a Debbie-downer and maybe I’m  being too dramatic… I don’t know but my mind is all over the place with this. 

Maybe it’s my BP kicking in because my meds are dealing with this change in my body and thus they’re not as effective and its taking me down a spiral.  

So sorry for the gloom but I feel like I need to express it because maybe folks are having, or did have, the same experiences almost 2 weeks out. Just….*sigh*. These are not the issues/emotions I expected to be coping with at this stage. 

Gotta Reset my attitude tomorrow and try to believe they did cut me a decent pouch and move on. 

Sorry again guys, but I had to get it out.