Outside Looking In

I stood looking at myself in the bathroom mirror for quite awhile today. I was imagining myself slender, worried about loose skin, wondering if I can really do this… 

What am I doing? Is this really the tool I am praying for? Been working so hard for and not seeing the results I need? What if this doesn’t work either?  

Then I started to wonder if I can ever really make my outside reflect the inside of me…Amanda. 

Will I finally find that place where I can look in the mirror and be content with myself? That woman I found last year, when my marriage was on the brink and I found a strength in myself I never knew I had.  It took a collapse in life to find myself, but thankfully I did. And I was proud of the woman I found. But I’m not proud of what I see- the woman in the mirror doesn’t match her. 

I’m a smart, forgiving, caring, funny, all-around badass of a woman. I want to finally look on the outside how I feel on the inside. 

Do we all go through that? What was that last straw? For me it wasn’t when I hit rock bottom, but when I climbed my way back up from it.  I think that’s the strength I need to remember going through this, it will work because I will continue to work. 

As I reflect tonight, I realize this might not be the most uplifting of posts, but it’s the true struggle of my current mind squeeze. 

I love reading your stories and journeys, blogger friends. Thank you for sharing your insights and inspirations and experiences. They’re everything.

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3 thoughts on “Outside Looking In

  1. After my divorce… I was it total shock. My body just quit on me and before it was over I had lost about 85 pounds. I loved life! Though I would have never left the marriage, I was thrilled it was over. It was horrific but what I needed. The boys and I moved back home to Mississippi and started our new life. Over the course of the next 5 years… I met a new man, fell in love, married, and gained every ounce of my weight back.😞 I am a few days away from my month 4 weigh in and I feel fabulous. Yes, I have soft, pliable extra skin in all the wrong places… But it’s ok. I ooze confidence. My husband loves me. That Rhonda on the inside. He sees my body as a beautiful thing and holds me all the time. You’ll always have flaws. You’ll never be perfect. But you can always fall in love with who you are. It’s an amazing place to be.❀️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so sorry you had to go through divorce. But it seems like it was the best thing for you in the end. Thank heavens! My husband and I fought through it and now have a new marriage, it’s better than ever. But our struggle took me to dark places… He loves me just how I am and even says he’s going to miss the weight (he likes thick) but knows I need to be happy with me and supports me in this. I love my flaws, but not this one. Maybe because I have fought so hard on my own to get it off and haven’t succeeded. That’s the biggest struggle here I think. Fear.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I tell my husband all the time that he is a closet chubby chaser! LOL! πŸ˜‚
        I’ll say this… If you truly follow your surgeon’s plan… You will succeed. I’ve consistently lost weight. But I follow plan, exercise, and still avoid sugar and overly processed foods. I don’t eat those thins that used to trigger me. Because I know I cannot handle that. My stomach reminds me… “HEY! You’re done eating!” and I listen. I have gotten into other things to take the place of food for me. You’ll have to do the same. But you CAN do it.πŸ‘πŸΌ

        Liked by 1 person

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