Eureka!

Tonight I’m in a glorious mood!  I ate salmon! And it was amazing! And best of all, I couldn’t finish it.  Why you ask? Because I’m FULL!!! Stuffed in fact– I think I ate about 2 bites too many. I’m so happy I want to jump up and down.  But I’m too FULL! Seriously, it’s been over 2 weeks since I felt satisfied by a meal, I literally almost teared up!  Other than the salmon I’ve been sticking with liquids. Trying to reset from my bad behavior over the weekend. 

I did call my surgeon about the stomach acid reducer yesterday. They didn’t call me back yesterday so I left another message. Called me back today and said they would send the Rx over today- but guess what? No script at the pharmacy. (I’m so unimpressed with my surgeons office personnel, it isn’t even funny). So guess who I will be calling back again in the morning? Ain’t nobody got time for that! 

Trying not to obsess with the scale but I haven’t dropped a pound in 4 days. That’s ok the nurse told me typical loss is 12-15 lbs per month. Since I’m already at 15 I’m not going to stress. We’re headed to the beach for a long weekend in the camper Thursday and I’ll be away from the scale – which is a blessing. Maybe when I get back I’ll have nice surprise ☺️.  

So hopefully the blues and the stress are behind me for now. It’s still a long journey- I don’t expect Lilies and roses the whole time, but at least I have some peace of mind right now.  

What more could a girl ask for? 

Check in soon – from the gulf coast shoreline!


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Sucker punch

So you know how I said I overdid it yesterday? Well today I woke up feeling like I’d been drop-kicked in the stomach and felt that way all day. Not sure what the culprit was yesterday but man did it get me. 

I’m really trying to stay focused on the positive but I am getting discouraged. I don’t think they made my pouch small enough. I did a test tonight with macaroni. I ate almost a whole serving, almost hoping to get sick and prove to myself my pouch is indeed really small. I felt full (finally) but I did not feel sick or get sick. Wtf? I’m able to gulp water down without incident. I swear when I go in for my post-op I want drink that dye and see my pouch because right now I’m worried. I’m hungry, I don’t feel full most meals, and I’m weak and getting cranky. Plus I’m actually up a pound today- likely holding water because I haven’t been drinking enough over the last few days (but today I did).  

I see my fellow sleevers and talk to my girls from pre-op and I feel very different and alone. What if they didn’t cut enough? What if this was all for nothing? Trying not to be a Debbie-downer and maybe I’m  being too dramatic… I don’t know but my mind is all over the place with this. 

Maybe it’s my BP kicking in because my meds are dealing with this change in my body and thus they’re not as effective and its taking me down a spiral.  

So sorry for the gloom but I feel like I need to express it because maybe folks are having, or did have, the same experiences almost 2 weeks out. Just….*sigh*. These are not the issues/emotions I expected to be coping with at this stage. 

Gotta Reset my attitude tomorrow and try to believe they did cut me a decent pouch and move on. 

Sorry again guys, but I had to get it out.

Wore Out

 
I did way to much today. I shopped and pushed a huge cart around the store, loaded all those groceries into the cart and unloaded them into the car, then back out… I was wiped. Slept a couple of hours. Then met my BFF for coffee and shopping.  
My husband kindly reminded me I had major surgery a week and half ago and I wasn’t supposed to be pushing around a cart full of groceries dammit. Of course you’re tired and hurting, he says. 

I’ve only been getting about 300-400 calories per day. Not sure if that’s ok but I imagine liquids and 1 mashed up egg a day that is all you can accumulate. I haven’t found that burst of energy others say they have. I’m jealous. Happy for them but hoping  everyday for the same good fortune to find it too. I’m not dragging along but I sure do hit a wall by the end of the night each day. I know I really overdid it today especially. 

I know it will come soon when I can excersize for real. I’ve been sort of bummed I’m really not up for doing more than I am quite yet. Still healing. It makes me wonder if the 2 days most sleevers get in the hospital makes all the difference. I went home and hour and a half after my surgery.  

Patience is what I need to embrace a little more. Being gung ho to go is not necessarily the right course of action for me right this minute.  But I can keep the attitude and just be ready for when it’s time. 

Don’t let it get you, Amanda. 

Stats: -15.8lbs since surgery. CW: 217. Very happy with that progress. 

Good Friday

I woke up today and actually felt pretty normal- it was glorious!  I’ve been trying to get in-tune and listen to my body.  I did a fairly good job and when I tried those refried beans for lunch and the pouch said I don’t think so Amanda I listened.  So just the egg and protein shakes for me right now. I concentrated hard on the feeling of satisfaction to tell myself I was full. Seemed to work, so I just have to practice that until it comes naturally. 

I’ve been on the treadmill a few times this week but really couldn’t get through a decent workout. Based on how I feel today I am fired up to get back to the program starting Monday. I’ll wait to run until dr clears me on the 8th. Funny enough I have a 5k on the 10th I signed up for a bit ago before surgery was scheduled. Guess I’ll be walking that one, I’m not ready to run a full 5k yet at all.  Ground up, but that’s ok with me. Isn’t that what I essentially did on the 16th- ground level all around. Perfect. 

I’m down 16.8 lbs since surgery for a total pound loss of 22.2 lbs. I’m thrilled.  

Be proud of your milestones today my sleeved angels (and non-sleeved angels).  See you tomorrow…

Sappy Thursday

 

So I feel compelled to give my husband a shout out. He doesn’t even read my blog, so I’m not looking to score brownie points with my man. 

My husband an I have been through the rigors in our 15+ years. I mean serious shit. But somehow we manage to prevail and have a better marriage today than ever before. 

Yay me right? But see, this surgery was kind of a big deal…

My husband likes my size. Seriously. He is not super excited personally for me to get ‘skinny’. But he knows, knew, my weight was killing me. Potentially, quite literally.  He watched me and cheered me as I rode the diet and excersize yo-yo hell.  Watched helplessly as my self esteem went to the shitter with every pound I didn’t lose and gained +.  And he stood by me when I finally broke down and said I have to have this surgery. 

I didn’t go through health insurance folks, mine specifically excludes coverage for gastric procedures. I paid cash.  That was a big deal. As he tries to build up our cattle herd so that we can have a lucrative retirement, I essentially went out and bought a new car, when we could have bought 20 cows with that money. But he didn’t even bat an eye. Because he knows this was my last straw, my last weapon in the arsenal to finally conquer my weight problem and my relationship with food problem. And hopefully regain me in the process. He can’t wait to see me again…  

So yeah, shout out to the hubs. He deserves it.  

It’s Tuesday!

And why am I glad it’s Tuesday you ask? Because tomorrow I get to start full liquids and this girl is verra happy about that! I’m going to miss my beef broth breakfast, really…

Yesterday was just a really crap day. Every drink made my pouch growl and grumble and bubble-it bordered painful! Work day was not the greatest, I definitely had a hard time sitting up for so long with my belly button incision. Not sure what they did down there but it is black and blue all around my belly button about 2″ out.  I tend to hunch over at my desk too (trying to work on that) so that didn’t help either. I had to lie down twice. Glad I hit the treadmill first thing in the morning because I was toast-and cranky-by the end of the day. 

I drove today for the first time since surgery. I must say our city roads could use some re-paving.  I was taking the kids to and fro all around and then-I was really glad to be home and not jostling my stomach around anymore. 

I was wondering if I was recovering slower than every other person in the sleeve community, but I’ve been texting with two other gals that had theirs the same day I did and they’re on the exact same track as me. Whew-I’m not a total weenie!

Still searching for that full feeling. I am really hoping that full liquids will give me that. I’m worried because one of the medications I take causes you to have massive cravings. I think it has something to do with a hormone in your body-I can’t remember what it’s called-but I read all about it.  It’s one of the reasons there is massive weight gain with the medication. Anyway, the big fear for the whole journey for both me and my husband is that the medication is going to interfere with the sleeve. I’ve talked to my doctor about switching me and the only other option I have I’ve already tried and cannot take – it makes me bat-shit crazy. Literally.  So it’s either my meds or no meds. Not really a consideration. One of my weight loss attempts was to actually go off of the meds and keep with the diet/excersize.  Um, nope. Didn’t work on many levels. So I’m anxious to have that full feeling so I don’t feel like I’m on a diet for the rest of my life.  Fingers crossed!

I’m so excited! Happy hump-day yall!

Mind Food

I have been thinking and dreaming about food. I’m not hungry, but I want FOOD.  Cooking for the family today has been a struggle for my mind. I started reading articles about bariatric eating galore after I cooked dinner. I’ve read these all before but they seem to be soothing my mind hunger tonight. 

Man, I didn’t realize my relationship with food was THIS bad. Clearly this is going to be an even bigger up-hill battle for me as I re-learn how to eat after this surgery. I am going to have to be even more aware of my addiction and make good decisions. I’ll be hunting really good books on the subject and cookbooks specific to bariatric and WLS eating. I did find a great website with recipes using protein powders, it’s called Cheatclean. It’s the Quest brand recipe site, but some of those recipes look awesome. 

I’m only down 3 lbs from the day before surgery. I have to say I’m a bit surprised at that number considering I’ve been on liquids for a full week now. I don’t know, I just thought the number would be a little higher. One of my VSG friends I met that had surgery the same day as me is down 12 and is already driving!  My other friend (same day sleever) is like me, scale hasn’t moved much either. 

I’ve been following all the rules to the letter since day one and plan to continue that…hopefully this isn’t the status quo for me as I move into solid  foods stage in a few weeks. To be fair, I’m down 7 lbs total from the start of the 2-week diet date. 

I’d love to hear what some fellow sleevers first few weeks losses were post-op… And did you struggle with head-hunger immediately after surgery too?

Day 4 post-op

I promise I won’t be posting every single day after surgery but, for folks poking around about the process I think the first week after surgery is what people will want to know about. 

So I came home this morning from my moms. We stopped at the nail place first so I feel pretty.  Came home to the riot called my family. Husband lost his truck keys and is ill as a hornet about it. Of course I spent the better part of an hour looking for them too. I laid down for about 2 hours (in my flat bed) and groaned aloud moving in and out of the bed. 

Realized I was completely out of broth and kids ate my box of Popsicles while I was gone. So hubby and I went to the grocery store. We had quite a bit to get because the kids are out of school all week so we were gone for a couple of hours. After we got home and unpacked everything I hit a wall. Almost passed out so I’m completely done for today. Feet up and rest – that’s it for me today, folks. 

The bruising around my incisions is pretty ugly today.  I’m so fair skinned so I’m not surprised.  Still trying to get all my fluids in, getting used to the sip sip sip wait.  Very gassy today but still have not had a BM since day before surgery. I hope that’s normal being on just clear liquids for last 4 days. 

Gearing up for back-to-work Monday. Just going to try and get as much rest as possible tomorrow.  I hope to begin excersizing next week. Also, I plan to get on the scale in the morning- I have no idea what my surgery weight was and I would love to see where I am now. 

So sorry for the rambling tonight.  See you tomorrow luvs!

Post-op day 3, much better

Still quite swollen but overall looks good

Day three is much better. I managed to go the full night without pain medication, but I definitely needed it when I got up this morning before heading out to the doctor.  Getting in and out of bed is still painfully difficult.

I’m hungrier than I thought I would be. I’ve been drinking broth and eating Popsicles, but I salivated over the oatmeal my mom and grandma ate earlier today.  I had to look it up when I can have oatmeal.  Week 4, damn.  I tried decaf coffee and it feels good to have a pretend cup lol. 

The last 2 days I’ve slept a lot. If I wasn’t walking or drinking I was sleeping. Today I think I’ll watch a movie. 

Besides the boo-boos I honestly don’t feel like I had surgery. I don’t know what I expected my stomach to feel like but it just feels normal. I’m really trying tap into that “full” feeling, but so far I don’t have it. Likely because it’s just liquids for right now.  I certainly hope so. 

In the mean time, while away from work, I had some pretty awesome news. My first client gave me a perfect 10 rating and some pretty awesome comments.  It’s a big deal for my company. It was escalated to my boss’s boss’s boss and the emails have just been so amazing.  I’ve got all the feels! 

My husband and kids are making a “surprise” visit to me tonight. I say “surprise”  because that was his intention, but when I said “why don’t you come see me tonight?” I ruined it. Lol! Can’t wait to see them though! 

It’s been great staying with my mom. I’m taking us to get mani-pedis on my way home  tomorrow to say thank you. 

Until tomorrow…

Recovering

First, I am really glad I decided to stay at my moms! Not only does she have an adjustable bed where you raise your head up and down, but it’s just been really nice to be separated from that which I would feel like I’m supposed to be doing something-my house. But I do miss my hubby and the kiddies quite a bit…

Today my pain is either really bad or manageable. My right side especially hurts.  When I walk (which I have been doing lots of) I have to hold my belly so it doesn’t jiggle. And I have a massive headache that just will not quit. 

You all said getting all your fluids after surgery was hard, I believed you but boy, it is hard! Broth feels better on my tummy than anything else today. My gas pain has not been too bad at all, oddly.  

I’m hoping I feel much better tomorrow and don’t have to take pain meds. Going to the dr in the morning. Kind of irritated I have to drive all the way to Atlanta for them to change my dressing. I don’t have any drains or anything.  

That’s my check-in for today. More later…