Must get back on track

I spent the weekend in NC celebrating my cousins birthday with the kiddos. NC is one of my very favorite places to be – seriously, I usually just stand there for the first 5 minutes I arrive, breathing in the glorious mountain air.

So “celebration” included an all-you-can eat buffet of Chinese food, white water rafting, and more oh-so-good-for-you eats at the Dairy Queen (because we were too tired to even think of cooking).  And because we all seemed to have gobs of homework to do today, we got on the road home early and included a drive-thru run at McD’s. 

I’m pretty sure I consumed more calories in this single weekend than I have in one week for quite some time. I feel as physically horrible as you would expect, too.  While 4 hours rafting was great exercise, I am totally off of my training grid since Thursday and neeeeeed to get back on track. 

As if I needed an excuse, pictures of me from the weekend were horrifying. Oh, here’s one of my fav’s:

#cantwaitforVSG

I am back on track with my food and work outs as of the morning, serious.  I can’t seem to not go from one extreme from the other, can I?  But better to be on the other side than I have been on this past week, that’s for sure.  No more food-funerals and back to kicking my butt in the gym.

I’m hoping all of my blogger pals had a terrific weekend and are feeling great!  Let’s have a kick-ass week!

PS-And here’s to hoping I hear from the surgery center tomorrow 🙂

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Exposure

I can’t believe I’m putting myself out here like this – I feel SO exposed! But as you can see why I had the case of the “uglys” yesterday, here are some Now pictures of me to show you what I’m working towards changing. 

Please be sensitive and do NOT pin to Pinterest!
So…. here I am-unedited. And Yes I’m wearing underwear in that last one, they’re just nude colored. Lordy I can’t wait until these are “before” pictures….

So on a side -and happier note – got my letter today! My chart is officially in the medical director’s hands for final clearance, as they say. I’m sure they will have no problem taking my money, especially considering I have no underlying health concerns. Let’s now just hope I get the surgery date I’m shooting for. Timing is everything for me for the next couple of months.  Isn’t it always though? Still, I feel as excited today as if I had actually gotten a surgery date, for some reason.

Headed to GNC today to see if they have sample packets of some of the different kinds of protein shakes. I will hate to buy a $50 tub of stuff that just tastes terrible. 

Speaking of food funerals, (oh we weren’t?)  I’m being terrible. I said adios to weight watchers Monday because it hasn’t worked anyway. And because I know I’m going to be on my two-week diet soon, and post-surgery healthy only food forever – I’ve kind of been going a little overboard with the food funerals over the course of this week.  Is it bad that I don’t feel apologetic about it either? I’m not going to totally binge or anything, but I’m just not counting points anymore, that’s for sure.  

That’s it for now… *gulp* I’m hitting “Post” now….

Pretty in Pink

Today I’ve had a serious case of then”uglys”. You know what I’m talking about – everything you put on is as flattering as a trash sack, your hair doesn’t want to do a damn thing but lay flat (and not in a “I flat-ironed it” kinda way), and ultimately, the mirror is just not your friend kind of day.  On days like this- I kid you not- I shower, do my hair, put on a little make-up, a dab of perfume, and sport some pretty pajamas to go to bed.  (I don’t know how my husband knows when I’m having a case of the “uglys”??). Tonight I’m wearing my pink ones…and yes, I feel much better already.  Ha- gives me a great case of “I woke up like this!” on those mornings!!! 

I commend all of my fellow VSG’ers who had to go through a long and lengthy process to get a surgery date- I don’t know how you did it. I’m losing my mind with impatience.  I think I’d feel better knowing my doctor sent in my clearance letter, but he was ‘out of the office’ today. Of course he was.  As soon as that’s in I’m on the list for the surgery center to schedule me.  SO excited. 

I’ve been obsessed with reading sleever blogs and You Tube for weeks now.  I promised myself when I started this blog I would post daily or at least every couple of days- for those people like me who just have to know anything and everything about people’s thoughts and experiences. It’s all been so wonderful, and I am so excited to be on this journey – or rather, about to begin my own. 

One thing my BFF pointed out to me was that I need lots of before and during pictures, so I will be working on those and posting soon. As you might imagine, I have plenty of ‘head shots’ but very rarely do I save a picture where I’m fully figured.  So, in the spirit of having a case of the “uglys” I’ll post a shameless selfie from the other night…

  
Any words of advice on the waiting process, pre-vsg, or good resources to scout- let me know! Oh- and the best tasting protein shakes? I’ve been wondering about that one…

Until tomorrow… 

BFF Dinner

So tonight I had an awesome food funeral (Chipotle-need I say more?) with my best friend and broke the news of my decision to have sleeve surgery. As expected, she was very supportive and loving! God love her!  We decided my nightly glass of wine will then have to be a shot glass 🙂 (once alcohol is allowed of course).

So the drama with my clearance letter from my doctor continues. He had issues with wording – long story – and I still don’t know if he’s going to write it. I’m stewing over the issue, and trying, trying to be patient and give it another day. Every day is a delay and I’m really shooting for a 9/16 date with the surgery center. If I can get that dang letter in this week I have a chance.

So great way to end a trying day… Cross your fingers I get that letter tomorrow friends…

In the hands of others

I am having serious anxiety today. I’ve debated whether to share this on the blog or not but I feel compelled to.  So…. I am bi-polar and  am obviously under the medical care of a psychiatrist for maintenance of my medication.

So, those of you have been through the process understand the issue of clearance. So the ONLY thing I have pending is clearance from my psychologist that I am of sound mind to make my own medical decisions.

My psychologist is very old-school and not a fan of bariatric procedures in general.  He’s giving me a pretty opposing issue on writing the damn letter. And I seriously have my ass chapped about this predicament I find myself in. I never thought my personal decisions would be left in someone else’s opinion.  I have an appointment with him on Monday to talk it through- fingers crossed he concedes to sending in the letter after our talk.

But–I do have an alternative if he won’t clear me- it will just slow my surgery date by a week or two, at least.  I’ll just have to see the surgery center’s doctor in freaking Atlanta (45 mins away).

I’m so pissed off and anxious about the whole issue altogether.  It’s my body and I should be able to make decisions about it without holding out for a doctor with pre-disposed opinions about weight-loss surgery.

I’d love to hear from others who have had various stalls in clearance…

Support Apps

So I found two great apps last night for bariatric surgery fellows. Thought I’d share!

1. Bariatric Pal 

This one is a great social forum for others like us. It filters for specific procedures (Sleeve, Bypass, Lap Band) and there are tons of conversations happening on this site  that can help during the journey before and after surgery. There aren’t any support groups near me, so I will be using this app a lot!

2. Eat Slower  So I realized last night that I eat like I’m running a race. This app is going to be fabulous for teaching me to eat slower and chew more. It’s a bite timer! It cycles 1:30 for every bite for 20 minutes.

If you have any other apps that you know of – let me know in the comments!

It’s D-Day

As in “D”octor visit. Went in for my preliminary clearance testing for surgery today. With the exception of one minor clearance, I’m pending scheduling. Not what I had hoped – I feel like I’ve been preparing for this for so long and now I’m ready, so let’s get on with it then. Patience is not a strength of mine…

Note to self – write down all of my questions for next time. I forgot half of what I had wanted to ask them today.

In true A-type personality, I’ve already read every manual they’ve given to me, cover to cover. The two things that make me cringe is the “no caffeine” – I love my coffee – and worse yet, “no alcohol for 6 months.” I’m no lush, but that one is not going to be easy in my social circle. But if that’s what the doctor ordered, then I will have to adjust.

One area I will not be abiding on is the return to work order of 7-14 days. I work from home in chair at a desk all day. I think I will be just fine after 3 days and a weekend to recover enough to be back in my office chair, running clients. Seriously, I’ll be fine. Oh, and grad school… won’t be able to take a break in the middle of a class so I will be in bed on the laptop, for sure.

I might be able to get one good book in though. Or better yet, binge-watch season 1 of Outlander…

In the thick of it

There have only been a few short periods in my life when I have not been overweight. Those brief periods were never longer than two years and still, I could not manage to keep the weight off. Now, fair’s fair – when I was thin I did not exercise. My true reality check – I have a horrible relationship with food. I’m a total binge eater. And aside from my obvious pants size, I hide my binge eating well.

I’ve tried all of the fad diets. I do CrossFit three times a week. I also started doing yoga, C25K training, Weight Watchers, and I even got myself a personal trainer. Granted, I don’t do any of these activities well – it’s not graceful and is quite painful to pound 240 lbs around – but I work it out as best as I can, purple faced and breathing as if I were in an enclosed coffin searching for oxygen. And that’s after the warm-up… Still, I’m working it people.

The scale hasn’t moved but a few pounds in all of this time. Weight Watchers is just not working for me and I am working too damn hard to not be seeing results. So enough is enough. I need another tool…

After months of deliberating with myself, weighing the pro’s and con’s, agonizing over taking on this kind of debt, and researching the procedure, I have decided that I am going to have the Gastric Sleeve Surgery. I found some blogs on folks who had this procedure. YouTube has been a great resource too. But I am sharing this journey in hopes of finding others like me, helping others who struggle with their weight and fitness, giving the skinny from decision to incision, and for having a little fun while I’m finding the “skinny” me.